18 December 2009
That Ain't Cool...
Well, looks like we won't be adopting, not this time anyway. She got an abortion. A choice I will never understand anyone making...except in extreme cases, anyway. Thank you all for your prayers and support.
02 December 2009
My Favorite Books
My last post got me thinking about how much and how many things have changed in our marriage. I mean obviously the first time we were married it was a complete disaster. We should've know though when on our wedding day neither one of us was excited. Oh well, live and learn.
Anywho, the thing I credit the most for the changes or transformation is books. Soon after being remarried we were introduced to a group of people who were very big into personal growth and relationships. We found them while doing and MLM of all places.
Even though the business part of it didn't work out, neither one of us would go back and not spend the money. The wealth of knowledge we were introduced to was so amazing! We used to have a book of the month come every month. The books always had to do with relationships, leadership, self-improvement/discovery, how to achieve your dreams, or money management.
Out of these books there are four that I just fell in love with. The first two I would recommend to any couple, whether they have a "good" marriage or a "bad" marriage. I know in my heart of hearts that without these two books our marriage would be very unhappy today.
"Love and Respect" is an amazing book! This single book fixed so many things. Okay, it didn't fix them but we did using what this book teaches. I can't say enough about it.
I thought I understood myself pretty good and what drives me. I also thought that because I grew up with brothers that I understood the male part of our species.
Reading this book soon made me realize I had a lot of things wrong in my thinking.
Allen and I read it together (kinda) and talked about different things. In talking about it and asking each other questions, usually consisting of, this is what I thought, the book says otherwise. Whose right me or the book?
Whithout fail questions of that nature were always answered with "The book." or "You really thought that? Why?"
I was definitely an eye opener for both of us. We were both surprised to how wrong we were about ourselves. Funny reading a book to help your marriage and it not only does that but also teaches you a thing or two about yourself.
"The Five Love Languages" is also a really good read if you're trying to figure out why someone doesn't love you that you think should.
We've all heard it, "If they loved me they would..." You know what I'm talking about. This is a gigantuous mistake. The problem isn't that they don't love you, the problem is you are just speaking a different language of love than they are.
This was one of the biggest problems the first time we were married. If we would've known the things that are wrote about in this book...oh, the heartache and loneliness that could've been avoided.
My primary Love Language is quality time, in the dialect of quality conversation. That is the hardest, most difficult language for Allen. At least it was. Luckily I have an amazing husband that is willing to work very hard to make me feel loved and appreciated. Now...it's still not easy for him but he does it anyway and is getting better all the time.
Allen's primary Love Language is service. That a very hard one for me. It's not because I dont' like doing things for him, it's just that I have a hard time getting past my, "If I want it done I can do it myself" thinking. I have to conciously remind myself that he can do it himself but he feels loved and appreciated when I go out of my way to do things for him that he can do for himself. Not even big things. The small things like maybe taking his shoes off when he gets home from work, having dinner on the table, running upstairs to get his phone when he has forgotten it. You know...the little things.
"The Anatomy of Peace" a spectacular read! Oh my goodness. I love this book! Love it!
In short this book explains the human race. If everyone would use this book as a guideline for their own personal life...this world would not be anywhere near the end.
I would even recommend this one to teenagers, especially teenagers. It's easy to read, some of the references I don't fully understand simply because I dont' know history much, but you still get what the point is.
If you want to understand where some of your thinking comes from that you stop yourself and wonder, "where did that thought come from" or "why do I feel about this person the way I do". This book explains it. It explains it very well.
I would suggest though don't start this book when you know you are going to have to spread it out over weeks. Once I started reading...I couldn't put it down. I've never been big into reading but this is a book you will want to immerse yourself in and soak it all up.
It's just one of those books that will strike a chord with your soul because it is right.
"The Dream Giver" is a very short and entertaining read. But it is also one I will forever have in my library of books.
It's about Ordinary who lives in Familiarville, but one day decides to leave his all too familiar home to find out what he was really meant to do in life. Which ends up being something big and wonderful. Not any bigger than any of us though, remember his is Ordinary.
This story is a parable. So everything in it is symbolic of something. The thing is the symbolism is so obvious, you won't miss it.
It only takes an hour maybe an hour and a half to read. The second half of the book is an explanation of what everything symbolizes. I'm pretty sure that if you are raised LDS and have read scriptures at all...you won't need to read the second half, you'll know exactly what it's talking about.
This is actually a book I intend on reading as a bedtime story to my kids. I want them to know from the beginning that they are not ordinary, they are meant to do great things upon the Earth.
Just a warning though...this book will bring a tear to your eye. Or if it's a day you are having a hard time...it may bring a lot of tears to your eyes.
I seriously highly, highly recommend any of these.
If things seem tough in your marriage though, before it gets tougher, read "Love and Respect", phenomenal book and if you are both ready and willing to work through the crappy times, you won't be sorry you did.
Anywho, the thing I credit the most for the changes or transformation is books. Soon after being remarried we were introduced to a group of people who were very big into personal growth and relationships. We found them while doing and MLM of all places.
Even though the business part of it didn't work out, neither one of us would go back and not spend the money. The wealth of knowledge we were introduced to was so amazing! We used to have a book of the month come every month. The books always had to do with relationships, leadership, self-improvement/discovery, how to achieve your dreams, or money management.
Out of these books there are four that I just fell in love with. The first two I would recommend to any couple, whether they have a "good" marriage or a "bad" marriage. I know in my heart of hearts that without these two books our marriage would be very unhappy today.
"Love and Respect" is an amazing book! This single book fixed so many things. Okay, it didn't fix them but we did using what this book teaches. I can't say enough about it.
I thought I understood myself pretty good and what drives me. I also thought that because I grew up with brothers that I understood the male part of our species.
Reading this book soon made me realize I had a lot of things wrong in my thinking.
Allen and I read it together (kinda) and talked about different things. In talking about it and asking each other questions, usually consisting of, this is what I thought, the book says otherwise. Whose right me or the book?
Whithout fail questions of that nature were always answered with "The book." or "You really thought that? Why?"
I was definitely an eye opener for both of us. We were both surprised to how wrong we were about ourselves. Funny reading a book to help your marriage and it not only does that but also teaches you a thing or two about yourself.
"The Five Love Languages" is also a really good read if you're trying to figure out why someone doesn't love you that you think should.
We've all heard it, "If they loved me they would..." You know what I'm talking about. This is a gigantuous mistake. The problem isn't that they don't love you, the problem is you are just speaking a different language of love than they are.
This was one of the biggest problems the first time we were married. If we would've known the things that are wrote about in this book...oh, the heartache and loneliness that could've been avoided.
My primary Love Language is quality time, in the dialect of quality conversation. That is the hardest, most difficult language for Allen. At least it was. Luckily I have an amazing husband that is willing to work very hard to make me feel loved and appreciated. Now...it's still not easy for him but he does it anyway and is getting better all the time.
Allen's primary Love Language is service. That a very hard one for me. It's not because I dont' like doing things for him, it's just that I have a hard time getting past my, "If I want it done I can do it myself" thinking. I have to conciously remind myself that he can do it himself but he feels loved and appreciated when I go out of my way to do things for him that he can do for himself. Not even big things. The small things like maybe taking his shoes off when he gets home from work, having dinner on the table, running upstairs to get his phone when he has forgotten it. You know...the little things.
"The Anatomy of Peace" a spectacular read! Oh my goodness. I love this book! Love it!
In short this book explains the human race. If everyone would use this book as a guideline for their own personal life...this world would not be anywhere near the end.
I would even recommend this one to teenagers, especially teenagers. It's easy to read, some of the references I don't fully understand simply because I dont' know history much, but you still get what the point is.
If you want to understand where some of your thinking comes from that you stop yourself and wonder, "where did that thought come from" or "why do I feel about this person the way I do". This book explains it. It explains it very well.
I would suggest though don't start this book when you know you are going to have to spread it out over weeks. Once I started reading...I couldn't put it down. I've never been big into reading but this is a book you will want to immerse yourself in and soak it all up.
It's just one of those books that will strike a chord with your soul because it is right.
"The Dream Giver" is a very short and entertaining read. But it is also one I will forever have in my library of books.
It's about Ordinary who lives in Familiarville, but one day decides to leave his all too familiar home to find out what he was really meant to do in life. Which ends up being something big and wonderful. Not any bigger than any of us though, remember his is Ordinary.
This story is a parable. So everything in it is symbolic of something. The thing is the symbolism is so obvious, you won't miss it.
It only takes an hour maybe an hour and a half to read. The second half of the book is an explanation of what everything symbolizes. I'm pretty sure that if you are raised LDS and have read scriptures at all...you won't need to read the second half, you'll know exactly what it's talking about.
This is actually a book I intend on reading as a bedtime story to my kids. I want them to know from the beginning that they are not ordinary, they are meant to do great things upon the Earth.
Just a warning though...this book will bring a tear to your eye. Or if it's a day you are having a hard time...it may bring a lot of tears to your eyes.
I seriously highly, highly recommend any of these.
If things seem tough in your marriage though, before it gets tougher, read "Love and Respect", phenomenal book and if you are both ready and willing to work through the crappy times, you won't be sorry you did.
26 November 2009
Happy 10th Anniversary Baby!
Today is the 10th anniversary of Allen and I getting sealed for time and eternity. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago.
We were sealed in the Manti Temple. I was so nervous! But after having my recommend checked at the desk and walking around the corner to where I could see down the long hallway...I was even more nervous! There were what appeared to be angels lining the hallway on both sides. Not like shoulder to shoulder but it seemed like every 10 ft or so there was one. I realize they were just the temple workers but it gave me chills. I'll never forget the feeling. I still can't walk into that Temple and not get chills, I guess every Temple should make me feel that way but they don't. Just Manti Temple, it's kind of like when I walk in there...I'm coming home after a long stint of being gone and Heavenly Father is giving me a big hug.
Going through the Temple and being sealed for time and all eternity didn't fix our problems. We've had ups and major downs, but we have got through them somehow. I know without the Lord's help we would not be together now. There were just too many "coinsidences" that had to happen, and did happen, to bring us back together.
I can't wait to spend eternity with this man! I would be lost without him. When I look in his eyes I can't help but fall in love with him all over again. He's so kind and gentle but at the same time so big and strong. I'm not just talking physical, but emotionally and spiritually too. There is no better man for me in this world or any other. I am so thankful for him!
We were sealed in the Manti Temple. I was so nervous! But after having my recommend checked at the desk and walking around the corner to where I could see down the long hallway...I was even more nervous! There were what appeared to be angels lining the hallway on both sides. Not like shoulder to shoulder but it seemed like every 10 ft or so there was one. I realize they were just the temple workers but it gave me chills. I'll never forget the feeling. I still can't walk into that Temple and not get chills, I guess every Temple should make me feel that way but they don't. Just Manti Temple, it's kind of like when I walk in there...I'm coming home after a long stint of being gone and Heavenly Father is giving me a big hug.
Going through the Temple and being sealed for time and all eternity didn't fix our problems. We've had ups and major downs, but we have got through them somehow. I know without the Lord's help we would not be together now. There were just too many "coinsidences" that had to happen, and did happen, to bring us back together.
I can't wait to spend eternity with this man! I would be lost without him. When I look in his eyes I can't help but fall in love with him all over again. He's so kind and gentle but at the same time so big and strong. I'm not just talking physical, but emotionally and spiritually too. There is no better man for me in this world or any other. I am so thankful for him!
23 November 2009
Interpretation Anyone?
K-so, this is going to sound a little weird but I went to my best friends house Saturday for dinner and to try my hand at painting with acrylic paints. This is the picture that ended up coming from my paintbrush.
You may think I'm a geek but my friend told me what she saw in it, now I would really like to know what it makes other people think of.
21 November 2009
So Many Things to be Thankful For
Hmmmm.......Where to start???
I guess I'll start with my favoritest man in the world! Isn't he handsome?
I am so Thankful that Heavenly Father brought us together! Without him life would be kind of meaningless. There is no better match for me in all the universe. He really deserves to be a daddy. But because he is such an phenomenal man I'm sure Heavenly Father will bless him with that priviledge.
Next is Family:
My family is so awesome! Love' em. Gosh, without any one of them I wouldn't be who I am today. Sorry about the VERY outdated picture, not to mention it's not very good. It's all I could find. There are 5 additions since this picture, 4 kids and 1 wife.
Allen's family is fantabulous too! Love 'em. They are so much fun, always on the move. Without them my prince charming/knight in shining armor wouldn't be who he is. This pictures a bit better. Not quite as old but still outdated. Missing 1 kid and 1 wife.
Can't forget the furbabies:
Tank and Skunk what a couple of turds. So dang cute though! Look how good they share. Life around here just wouldn't be the same without them. I guess you would have to be a dog person to understand.
Meow-meow (picture would be here but computer is wigging out so I'll have to add one later.) We lucked out on having a cat. She is such a good kitty. When I'm sick she sits with me, and lays with me at night. It's so fun to watch her "play" with the dogs. She acts really mad but she always comes back for more...silly kitty.
Besides the people (and furbabies) in our lives we are both very Thankful for the Gospel and the peace it brings into our lives. No matter what is going on or what trials we are working through, we know that things will work out because Heavenly Father loves us and wants only the best for us. And if we do what we are supposed to do, he will reward us with the best. (Evidently he doesn't believe in socialism either, lol)
We are Thankful for the scriptures ancient and modern day. How would we know what direction to go without them? How would we know what is expected?
We are Thankful for the Priesthood and that Heavenly Father trusts man with such a powerful tool.
18 November 2009
Short 'n' Sweet...To the Point
Here's the dealio:
YOUR INVITED!
to: pray and fast
when: Nov 22, this Sunday
for: an adoption to go through
Explanation:
We have a potential birthmother. She very recently found out she is pregnant and wants to place it in a good and loving home. Through "coincidences" she has got our phone numbers and we are just hoping and praying that she will call us, we will be able to meet her and she will choose to place her baby with us. Allen and I feel pretty good about it. Not that that really says anything because who know this just maybe a learning experience...we're just hoping it turns into a life-long learning experience.
At first Allen and I wanted to keep it hush-hush just in case it didn't work out, at least until it was a for sure thing (like a month or two before the due date). Then we decided our families would want to know so they could offer support even if it doesn't work out the way WE want it to. So might I be so bold as to thank you in advance! Love you all! And thank you for your support thus far!
YOUR INVITED!
to: pray and fast
when: Nov 22, this Sunday
for: an adoption to go through
Explanation:
We have a potential birthmother. She very recently found out she is pregnant and wants to place it in a good and loving home. Through "coincidences" she has got our phone numbers and we are just hoping and praying that she will call us, we will be able to meet her and she will choose to place her baby with us. Allen and I feel pretty good about it. Not that that really says anything because who know this just maybe a learning experience...we're just hoping it turns into a life-long learning experience.
At first Allen and I wanted to keep it hush-hush just in case it didn't work out, at least until it was a for sure thing (like a month or two before the due date). Then we decided our families would want to know so they could offer support even if it doesn't work out the way WE want it to. So might I be so bold as to thank you in advance! Love you all! And thank you for your support thus far!
15 November 2009
Adoption Journey
My thoughts have been on adoption the past month or so a LOT. I've really been wondering if and when. Our profile was approved like a year ago and we are still waiting for someone to contact us to tell us that we are even on soft-hold, meaning a birthmom has narrowed it down to a just a few and we are one of them. Hasn't happened.
Because it seems like it has been soooo long waiting for that and the fact I found DCI, which I still consider my "magic pill". I gave up on adoption and decided (God willing) to try and get pregnant again, that hasn't happened yet either.
Thanks to my Sis-in-law's friend it got the whole idea of adoption running through my head again. When Allen and I first decided that adoption was the way we were supposed to build our family it was Jan of 2008. We both felt strongly that is what we were supposed to do. We got the paperwork turned in and the letter and pictures approved then somewhere along the way we stopped. A few months later we were informed we had to go online and finish a profile online because they weren't doing the paper thing anymore. So we started that and soon quit, again, don't know why. Then a couple months later we got a call from our new caseworker and she told us to get in gear and get it done because they were changing websites and if it wasn't completed it would be deleted and we would have to start over again. So we finally got it done and approved and published online. The problem then was the website wasn't going live yet because they were still working on it. That was pretty frustrating. I guess it's okay though, because if we ever are able to find our babies and adopt them it will all be worth it, all the headache, irritation, and frustration.
I am really excited though because after the training we went on to make sure our profile was still current and we hadn't changed our minds about anything and we found out that we can now see how many times our profile has been viewed; it's been viewed almost 400 times! None of them have contacted us obviously but at least we know that we are having some traffic. The way we see it is every view gets us one closer to the right one.
I know this sounds a bit corny but could y'all throw a few words heavenward for us that our journey to parenthood will come to an end soon, and of course some for the birthmom that is looking for us. She's gotta be out there...somewhere.
Because it seems like it has been soooo long waiting for that and the fact I found DCI, which I still consider my "magic pill". I gave up on adoption and decided (God willing) to try and get pregnant again, that hasn't happened yet either.
Thanks to my Sis-in-law's friend it got the whole idea of adoption running through my head again. When Allen and I first decided that adoption was the way we were supposed to build our family it was Jan of 2008. We both felt strongly that is what we were supposed to do. We got the paperwork turned in and the letter and pictures approved then somewhere along the way we stopped. A few months later we were informed we had to go online and finish a profile online because they weren't doing the paper thing anymore. So we started that and soon quit, again, don't know why. Then a couple months later we got a call from our new caseworker and she told us to get in gear and get it done because they were changing websites and if it wasn't completed it would be deleted and we would have to start over again. So we finally got it done and approved and published online. The problem then was the website wasn't going live yet because they were still working on it. That was pretty frustrating. I guess it's okay though, because if we ever are able to find our babies and adopt them it will all be worth it, all the headache, irritation, and frustration.
I am really excited though because after the training we went on to make sure our profile was still current and we hadn't changed our minds about anything and we found out that we can now see how many times our profile has been viewed; it's been viewed almost 400 times! None of them have contacted us obviously but at least we know that we are having some traffic. The way we see it is every view gets us one closer to the right one.
I know this sounds a bit corny but could y'all throw a few words heavenward for us that our journey to parenthood will come to an end soon, and of course some for the birthmom that is looking for us. She's gotta be out there...somewhere.
13 November 2009
Post Adoption Training Thoughts
Sorry this is extremely long, and probably boring.
Allen and I went to a required adoption training meeting last night. The topic was how to maintain a relationship with the birth family after placement.
I've gotta tell ya I got very irritated with people while there. One of the specific topics was how open you are okay with the adoption being. I didn't count how many time they said or implied, "Decide, then stick with it."
I guess lately they have been having a problem with adoptive couples wanting a baby so bad that they will tell the birthmom whatever she wants to hear. Then after placement everything changes and the adoptive family doesn't follow through with the promises they made and change all the rules. I guess they don't really think about how that would make the birthmom feel...on top of trying to deal with the loss she feels after being attached to the baby for nine months.
Not just anyone would be strong enough to place their baby in order to give them a home with a mom and dad, knowing the pain it would cause themselves when the time came to say good-bye. I don't know if I could do it.
The way some birthmothers end up getting treated just made me cry for them. How could anyone dare hurt someone who sacrificed so greatly to give them something they ached for so badly?
On the up-side though they have birthparents who are very honest and clear all the way through the process and the relationships they have with the birthmoms are wonderful and healthy. With different levels of openess.
It all depends on what is comfortable for birth and adoptive parents. Some just send pictures when the birthmom wants some. Others send pictures and emails on a weekly, monthly, yearly, or whatever basis. Some talk on the phone, send emails and text messages everyday or more. Then there are even some that have the birthmothers and sometimes fathers come and stay in their home for visits.
I don't know if we would be comfortable with having birthparents come and visit for days and stay at our home. At the same time I don't think I would really like a completely closed adoption either.
Allen and I both want to have the birthmother at least know that the baby is happy, healthy, taken care of, and loved beyond measure. What better way to do that than (at least) send pictures with updates and stories about what they are doing. I guess this is all stuff that can be decided when the time comes. Heck, we may have another couple years of waiting ahead of us for that time. All in the Lord's time, just wish I knew when that time was going to be.
Before this training I had kind of forgotten about the whole adoption thing because of my stubborness trying to get pregnant (that might have something to do with losing hope that someone is going to chose us to be the adoptive parents of their baby). But then we went to this training and both of us remembered very quickly that, indeed, we did do all the hours of paperwork and paid the $1,000 just to start the hours of paperwork for a divine reason. We know there is a little spirit that is going to come to our family through adoption. Now once again we are anxiously awaiting that time.
Everyone there kept talking about how they adopted a daughter and their little girl and girl this and girl that. It really made me wonder if the Lord is trying to tell me to prepare for a girl. I'm actually okay with now since my sis-in-law told me about her friend who is going to place a baby girl. I've even called my mom and asked questions about raising a girl and what the differences are and yada yada.
I don't think Allen has much of a chance of giving me a girl. It seems he comes from a male dominant family and his dad does. Heck even both my parents, my mom had 5 brothers and 4 sisters (two of which are identical twins so only 1 of them count), and my dad had 6 brothers (one still born) and one sister. I think the odds are stacked against us, as far as having a girl. It may be that adoption is the only way for us to have a girl. lol
Allen and I went to a required adoption training meeting last night. The topic was how to maintain a relationship with the birth family after placement.
I've gotta tell ya I got very irritated with people while there. One of the specific topics was how open you are okay with the adoption being. I didn't count how many time they said or implied, "Decide, then stick with it."
I guess lately they have been having a problem with adoptive couples wanting a baby so bad that they will tell the birthmom whatever she wants to hear. Then after placement everything changes and the adoptive family doesn't follow through with the promises they made and change all the rules. I guess they don't really think about how that would make the birthmom feel...on top of trying to deal with the loss she feels after being attached to the baby for nine months.
Not just anyone would be strong enough to place their baby in order to give them a home with a mom and dad, knowing the pain it would cause themselves when the time came to say good-bye. I don't know if I could do it.
The way some birthmothers end up getting treated just made me cry for them. How could anyone dare hurt someone who sacrificed so greatly to give them something they ached for so badly?
On the up-side though they have birthparents who are very honest and clear all the way through the process and the relationships they have with the birthmoms are wonderful and healthy. With different levels of openess.
It all depends on what is comfortable for birth and adoptive parents. Some just send pictures when the birthmom wants some. Others send pictures and emails on a weekly, monthly, yearly, or whatever basis. Some talk on the phone, send emails and text messages everyday or more. Then there are even some that have the birthmothers and sometimes fathers come and stay in their home for visits.
I don't know if we would be comfortable with having birthparents come and visit for days and stay at our home. At the same time I don't think I would really like a completely closed adoption either.
Allen and I both want to have the birthmother at least know that the baby is happy, healthy, taken care of, and loved beyond measure. What better way to do that than (at least) send pictures with updates and stories about what they are doing. I guess this is all stuff that can be decided when the time comes. Heck, we may have another couple years of waiting ahead of us for that time. All in the Lord's time, just wish I knew when that time was going to be.
Before this training I had kind of forgotten about the whole adoption thing because of my stubborness trying to get pregnant (that might have something to do with losing hope that someone is going to chose us to be the adoptive parents of their baby). But then we went to this training and both of us remembered very quickly that, indeed, we did do all the hours of paperwork and paid the $1,000 just to start the hours of paperwork for a divine reason. We know there is a little spirit that is going to come to our family through adoption. Now once again we are anxiously awaiting that time.
Everyone there kept talking about how they adopted a daughter and their little girl and girl this and girl that. It really made me wonder if the Lord is trying to tell me to prepare for a girl. I'm actually okay with now since my sis-in-law told me about her friend who is going to place a baby girl. I've even called my mom and asked questions about raising a girl and what the differences are and yada yada.
I don't think Allen has much of a chance of giving me a girl. It seems he comes from a male dominant family and his dad does. Heck even both my parents, my mom had 5 brothers and 4 sisters (two of which are identical twins so only 1 of them count), and my dad had 6 brothers (one still born) and one sister. I think the odds are stacked against us, as far as having a girl. It may be that adoption is the only way for us to have a girl. lol
10 November 2009
Early Thanksgiving
Last night my family got together and had an early Thanksgiving dinner. It was a ton of fun! My nieces and nephews are so stinkin' cute, just love'em! My oldest nephew is going to be 16 in Jan...can't believe it! Where has the time gone??? My oldest niece is going to be 13 on Fri...why does it seem like I'm getting old?
Looking at these things, it all makes me wonder again...am I too old be starting a family? Should we really be trying to get me preg? But then again, I have friends on SoulCysters that are 40 and some a bit older trying to get preg. But then again, I know we aren't supposed to look at others and compare our situations and everything to where we are and what we are doing. I know, I know, put it in the Lord's hands and trust that he knows what's best for us.
I don't know if I have shared this poem on this blog or not, but it just came to me and so I'm going to share it.
Broken Dreams
Just as my child brings his broken toys
with tears for me to mend,
I took my broken dreams to God
because he was my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried,
“How could you be so slow?”
“What could I do, my child,” He said,
“You never would let go.”
- Faith Mitchner -
Anywho back to Thanksgiving...Allen works EVERY Thanksgiving so that's why we get together before sometime. He has worked every Thanksgiving since 2001 or 2, and the one before that I worked so it's been almost our entire marriage since we have got to celebrate Thanksgiving with the rest of the country. Oh well, at least this way we get to have Thanksgiving with my entire family and don't have to share them with their in-laws. lol
Looking at these things, it all makes me wonder again...am I too old be starting a family? Should we really be trying to get me preg? But then again, I have friends on SoulCysters that are 40 and some a bit older trying to get preg. But then again, I know we aren't supposed to look at others and compare our situations and everything to where we are and what we are doing. I know, I know, put it in the Lord's hands and trust that he knows what's best for us.
I don't know if I have shared this poem on this blog or not, but it just came to me and so I'm going to share it.
Broken Dreams
Just as my child brings his broken toys
with tears for me to mend,
I took my broken dreams to God
because he was my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried,
“How could you be so slow?”
“What could I do, my child,” He said,
“You never would let go.”
- Faith Mitchner -
Anywho back to Thanksgiving...Allen works EVERY Thanksgiving so that's why we get together before sometime. He has worked every Thanksgiving since 2001 or 2, and the one before that I worked so it's been almost our entire marriage since we have got to celebrate Thanksgiving with the rest of the country. Oh well, at least this way we get to have Thanksgiving with my entire family and don't have to share them with their in-laws. lol
I love my family, they are so much fun to visit with! So glad my brother's picked the wives they did. I just wish Loren and Wendy didn't live so far away...and Ben is really sick right now so he didn't make it this time...oh well.
Next month we are having a family Christmas party on the 14th. Loren and Wendy are flying in and hopefully Ben will be able to make it...then the WHOLE family will be there! :)
I'm so thankful for such an awesome family!
04 November 2009
Not This One I'm Afraid
So since I found out about this Mom looking to place her baby, Allen and I have talked about it and thought about it. We both feel the same way and have since we first heard about it...this just isn't the one. I
I guess we could be wrong, we have been wrong about a LOT of things. We both feel like if this was going to happen though, that we would've had some confirmation. I'm not talking angels singing or anything but you know, just a flutter in the stomach or an excitement. But there has been nothing.
I'm not saying if it was offered that we wouldn't be all over it, cuz we so would. Before this I had never thought I would like a girl, I even talked to Allen about it and told him I did NOT want a girl and if a birth-mother picked us and it was a girl I would want to say no. That sounds stupid I know but if you know me you probably understand. Growing up with 4 brothers, rough and tough brothers, I learned to deal with males. I never had many friends whom were girls, and most of the few I had...ended up were of the lesbian persuasion. That's funny though because a lot of the guys I was friends with...gay.
Anywho, my point is, I really doubted my ability to be a good mother to a girl. I don't relate to most females too well. I'm not into cutesy stuff: princesses, pink, ribbons and bows, cheeleading, make-up, giggling and acting stupid to make guys feel smarter. Just not me. The only thing feminine about me I think is I have a sparkle obsession.
Then this idea of the possibility of being able to adopt a girl...it's made me think. A LOT! I've decided I do want a daughter. It would be fun to buy frilly little dresses and cute little shiny shoes, to do thier hair, and to buy dress up stuff (you know the fake make-up and jewlry, hats, dresses, shoes). Heck, with my sparkle obsession I may NEED a daughter. Otherwise I may have little boys with sparkly clothes or shoes or hats. LOL Besides all that, what daddy doesn't need a daughter to dote over and spoil, a reason to answer the door holding a shotgun when it's time she can date? lol Okay, I don't know if Allen would really do that, but I sure can see him doing it. Hehe
Maybe this situation was just needed so when the time comes I won't have any reservations about having a little girl. I don't know...sure has made me think though.
I guess we could be wrong, we have been wrong about a LOT of things. We both feel like if this was going to happen though, that we would've had some confirmation. I'm not talking angels singing or anything but you know, just a flutter in the stomach or an excitement. But there has been nothing.
I'm not saying if it was offered that we wouldn't be all over it, cuz we so would. Before this I had never thought I would like a girl, I even talked to Allen about it and told him I did NOT want a girl and if a birth-mother picked us and it was a girl I would want to say no. That sounds stupid I know but if you know me you probably understand. Growing up with 4 brothers, rough and tough brothers, I learned to deal with males. I never had many friends whom were girls, and most of the few I had...ended up were of the lesbian persuasion. That's funny though because a lot of the guys I was friends with...gay.
Anywho, my point is, I really doubted my ability to be a good mother to a girl. I don't relate to most females too well. I'm not into cutesy stuff: princesses, pink, ribbons and bows, cheeleading, make-up, giggling and acting stupid to make guys feel smarter. Just not me. The only thing feminine about me I think is I have a sparkle obsession.
Then this idea of the possibility of being able to adopt a girl...it's made me think. A LOT! I've decided I do want a daughter. It would be fun to buy frilly little dresses and cute little shiny shoes, to do thier hair, and to buy dress up stuff (you know the fake make-up and jewlry, hats, dresses, shoes). Heck, with my sparkle obsession I may NEED a daughter. Otherwise I may have little boys with sparkly clothes or shoes or hats. LOL Besides all that, what daddy doesn't need a daughter to dote over and spoil, a reason to answer the door holding a shotgun when it's time she can date? lol Okay, I don't know if Allen would really do that, but I sure can see him doing it. Hehe
Maybe this situation was just needed so when the time comes I won't have any reservations about having a little girl. I don't know...sure has made me think though.
29 October 2009
Amazing the Way God Works
So the last few weeks Allen and I have been feeling like we are losing hope of ever getting to enjoy the blessings of parenthood. Just a few months ago we felt so hopeful...like it just might be our turn next but month after month the same hopeless feelings that we had years ago when we were actively trying to get pregnant keep creeping in bit by bit. I know some know what I mean when I say actively every extra penny and then a whole lot more went to dr's bills and prescriptions. And the energy spent...won't even start.
Anywho my point is I just had some of that hope restored. It was restored just hours after asking Heavenly Father to help us keep a hold of at least a little bit of hope.
Let me tell you a bit. I just got off the phone with me sis-in-law and she has a friend who is looking for a family to place her baby with. So our LDS Family Services profile is actually getting looked at! Yay!!! I'm not saying that I have my hopes up...not at all actually. I was just really needing to know that God had not forgotten us, and he pulled through for me. It is just amazing to me.
Anywho my point is I just had some of that hope restored. It was restored just hours after asking Heavenly Father to help us keep a hold of at least a little bit of hope.
Let me tell you a bit. I just got off the phone with me sis-in-law and she has a friend who is looking for a family to place her baby with. So our LDS Family Services profile is actually getting looked at! Yay!!! I'm not saying that I have my hopes up...not at all actually. I was just really needing to know that God had not forgotten us, and he pulled through for me. It is just amazing to me.
23 October 2009
My Thoughts On Halloween
I used to love Halloween. It was fun dressing up, especially when you got to do the parade around the school. The decorations used to be cute witches, vampiric bats with smiles, pumpkins with goofy smiles and cute ghosts (kind of like Casper). Now it seems Halloween has changed it's face to ugly, scary and dark. What happened to the cute Halloween?
I go into WalMart and look for cute decor and it's all blood-splattered or oozing, grotesque faces things that look like something that climbed back up from the pits of "heck". Is it just me? Or has Halloween changed it's costume from cute and fun for kids to scary, dark and evil? A reason for parties and drinking and other things?
I thought it was just me that had noticed this transformation, until someone told me they went to three different stores looking for cute Halloween decor and finally gave up. It's interesting to me. I've never been much of a Halloween fan, but it seems the non-fan has turned completely against it.
I guess it could also have something to do with the fact that I have no kids. It seems people say kids change everything. Maybe if I had kids it would change this attitude...who knows.
I go into WalMart and look for cute decor and it's all blood-splattered or oozing, grotesque faces things that look like something that climbed back up from the pits of "heck". Is it just me? Or has Halloween changed it's costume from cute and fun for kids to scary, dark and evil? A reason for parties and drinking and other things?
I thought it was just me that had noticed this transformation, until someone told me they went to three different stores looking for cute Halloween decor and finally gave up. It's interesting to me. I've never been much of a Halloween fan, but it seems the non-fan has turned completely against it.
I guess it could also have something to do with the fact that I have no kids. It seems people say kids change everything. Maybe if I had kids it would change this attitude...who knows.
13 October 2009
Forgot to Tell You
Sunday Allen and myself were released from Ward Editors and sustained (and set apart) as the new....drumroll please....Family History Consultants! Allen is WAY excited about it, which is kind of funny because he never gets excited. I think my excitement will happen when I finally get trained and am able to help others. Or maybe it will be when I find my first ancestor that no one else could find and get their temple work done. Don't know but I'm sure it'll happen.
10 October 2009
To Do...Or Not To Do...Hmmm
I haven't been posting very regularly but thought y'all would want to know that Allen and I are considering doing foster care once again. It wasn't too bad last time and we loved the kids, although they were a handful. Would've been nice had we known that they were both level 2 instead of level 1 like we were told! I guess that's why it didn't work out so well is because...I know you are think because it was harder than expected, but no. It didn't work out so well because it was dang near impossible to have anyone communicate with us.
Not only were we given wrong info, we actually felt neglected. Sounds funny but it's true. We would call our Resource Family Consultant (RFC) to ask questions and such, at one point it took 3 weeks for a response, and at that point she even told us she had gotten all of our messages but just hadn't got back with us. So we ended up talking with the kids caseworker to get answers, which isn't at all the way it's supposed to be. Then at the team mtgs they would ask how the kids were doing and if there were any concerns or anything we needed to talk about. Funny thing is every concern we brought up got brushed aside and forgotten. Talk about frustrating!
That's in the past though and I would know better how to handle things now, how to go about getting questions answered by the correct source. Not only that I think I would either request older kids (mid-teens) or younger kids (pre-school or younger). I don't maybe it wouldn't make a difference.
We aren't even for sure if this is what we are going to do...just considering it at this point. It would definitely be another adventure. If we do it I really hope it would be longer term like 6 mos or better. Even though it would be that much harder to let them go (bawled my eyes out after just 3 mos), I think it would be better.
Well, when we decide for sure I'll letchy'all know.
02 October 2009
I'm Baaaaack
Well, well, well...
Miss me? Hehehe!
I can't believe it's been so long since I have posted! Where did the time go? Summer is over and the garden is tilled under and dangit...it...is...FREEZING!!!
Just Wednesday we finally found a good home for Mak. He's actually going to be used for hunting! Really happy we were able to find such a good match.
Also on Wed we had the big old Maple tree out front cut down. *sob* It was so dead. More than half of it had no leaves. I already miss the big old thing. Oh well, we're going to plant a weeping willow out there. I know they are messy but so are the globe willows we already planted.
Still NOT knocked up! Wondering if I should go in for a Hystersalpingogram to just make sure that tubes are clear...Can't convince myself to do that just yet because I'm 90% sure I was prego for a fleating moment a couple months ago. I was too chicken to take a test to confirm, I really wish I woulda...Not quite sure if I was too chicken it would be neg or if the thought of it actually being pos scared me worse. lol But a few days after symptoms went away and I just didn't feel prego anymore I took one and it was neg. Aunt Flo sure came late that cycle...holy cow. I guess that's what they call a chemical pregnancy...It's not a sad thing for me though because at least now I'm pretty sure it's possible.
Oh, one more thing...Allen and I have a new calling that we are both excited about. I would tell you what it is but we just accepted it on Wed night. So this Sunday we will be released from ward news editors and sustained to (insert new calling here). One thing I can tell you is........it's not Nursery!!! If they would've asked I would've declined. That is the one calling that I refuse to do again, at least until I have one (or two) in there of my own. Dreadful calling for someone like myself.
Miss me? Hehehe!
I can't believe it's been so long since I have posted! Where did the time go? Summer is over and the garden is tilled under and dangit...it...is...FREEZING!!!
Just Wednesday we finally found a good home for Mak. He's actually going to be used for hunting! Really happy we were able to find such a good match.
Also on Wed we had the big old Maple tree out front cut down. *sob* It was so dead. More than half of it had no leaves. I already miss the big old thing. Oh well, we're going to plant a weeping willow out there. I know they are messy but so are the globe willows we already planted.
Still NOT knocked up! Wondering if I should go in for a Hystersalpingogram to just make sure that tubes are clear...Can't convince myself to do that just yet because I'm 90% sure I was prego for a fleating moment a couple months ago. I was too chicken to take a test to confirm, I really wish I woulda...Not quite sure if I was too chicken it would be neg or if the thought of it actually being pos scared me worse. lol But a few days after symptoms went away and I just didn't feel prego anymore I took one and it was neg. Aunt Flo sure came late that cycle...holy cow. I guess that's what they call a chemical pregnancy...It's not a sad thing for me though because at least now I'm pretty sure it's possible.
Oh, one more thing...Allen and I have a new calling that we are both excited about. I would tell you what it is but we just accepted it on Wed night. So this Sunday we will be released from ward news editors and sustained to (insert new calling here). One thing I can tell you is........it's not Nursery!!! If they would've asked I would've declined. That is the one calling that I refuse to do again, at least until I have one (or two) in there of my own. Dreadful calling for someone like myself.
01 September 2009
Taking a Break From Trying to Get Knocked Up
Allen and I have talked about it and have come to the decision if I don't get knocked up this month we are going to take 2 months off. That means no charting and that's right we are going to make sure it DOES NOT happen. This is a lame excuse but I don't handle heat as it is. I get hot for too long or get too hot and I get sick like pukey sick, so if I had an additional internal heater (and hopefully two) I don't think I would be able to handle it. If I get knocked up in the next two months it would be due in July or Aug...no thank you.
And besides 4 or 5 months of the emotion thing is enough...for both of us. It's time to just have fun get back to just enjoying one another, and a couple months of concentrating on getting healthier and exercising isn't a bad idea either.
I'm not saying I'm going to stop taking DCI or the Maca...heavens NO. DCI makes me feel too good and it maybe that Maca takes 3-6 months to really help enough for me to notice a difference...who knows. So the regime of pills will continue there will just be contraceptives of the rubber variety used, or maybe abstinence.
Thinking about it it may need to be a 4 month break...hmmm.
BTW: We decided Mak will be finding a new home. Tank needs too expensive food for us to feel like we can give him to someone else. We wouldn't have the confidence of anyone giving him the food he needs to keep him from puking. So sad...
And besides 4 or 5 months of the emotion thing is enough...for both of us. It's time to just have fun get back to just enjoying one another, and a couple months of concentrating on getting healthier and exercising isn't a bad idea either.
I'm not saying I'm going to stop taking DCI or the Maca...heavens NO. DCI makes me feel too good and it maybe that Maca takes 3-6 months to really help enough for me to notice a difference...who knows. So the regime of pills will continue there will just be contraceptives of the rubber variety used, or maybe abstinence.
Thinking about it it may need to be a 4 month break...hmmm.
BTW: We decided Mak will be finding a new home. Tank needs too expensive food for us to feel like we can give him to someone else. We wouldn't have the confidence of anyone giving him the food he needs to keep him from puking. So sad...
29 August 2009
Someone Choose For Me!!!
How do you choose between these two?
They are both my baby-dogs!
Or one more option...
Don't know what it is about Skunk.
Neither one of us is really willing to let him go.
I think it's because his personality is so rebelious and stubborn...just like us.
Think I'm Done With Court Now
Yesterday was my Pre-Trial...talk about make me nervous!!! Not many things really get to me as far as nerves. But both times I have went to court (here comes a bit of TMI) I have ended up with diarrhea. Lol. I've been fine at home in the morning but then we get to the courthouse and you know the bubbly painful stuff that goes with it, well that starts. Oh, my! As far as I know or can recollect...this is the ONLY thing that has ever effected me like this.
Anywho, I finally got to talk to the Prosecutor and we worked out a deal that they would drop 3 of the 4 charges for too many dogs (apparently a zoning ordinance not a nuisance ordinance) and 2 counts of failure to license dogs. Still pretty pissed about having to pay because I really did check into it, thought I had bases covered. Oh well, could have been a LOT worse. For every count of too many dogs they coulda threw the book at me and fined me $750 each.
Since they reduced it to one count I was pretty happy with that and the judge even suspended $550 of that so I only have to pay $200 for that. The failure to license was $75 each. So the total comes to $350 and I have to pay it within the next 120 days. But within 30 days I have to find a home for one more dog then call the prosecutor and let him know I am in compliance, then an officer will come out and make sure I'm not lying.
It would be so much easier if people would just take responsibility for their animals. Then there wouldn't be a problem with me having a pack of dogs instead of a passle of kids. I guess I should've taken responsibility myself and looked into all the laws before I even got one dog.
IDK.
Frustration.
27 August 2009
Just a Brief Update
Seems Clomid still doesn't work for me. I tried it for 2 cycles and nothin'. So last cycle I took no Clomid...still messed up. But at least I have a cycle to speak of. Lol. Not too worried though, just yesterday I read that it takes at least a month to get Clomid out of your system. May be why things were still messed up.
This cycle though I have added a new thing, Maca root. I've known about it for a while but wasn't convinced to try it. I read up on it as much as I could find and it sounds pretty promising, especially if I take it with DCI. It's supposed to help with almost every female fertility issue. Guess we'll see.
There has been a study done on men with it and has been proven to improve volume, morphology, motility and...I don't remember the other thing right now. But basically it has been proven to help with men's fertility. So, yes, Allen is taking it too. It's even used to help with...well, let's just say it's a natural Viagra.
The part that excites me about it is it helps the endocrine system work better, rather than putting hormones into your body. It's just a super-duper fertility food!
It's amazing to me how much we pay for convenience! I went to Good Earth to get some Maca, $19.95 for a bottle of 90 or 100 caps. Then we found a 1 pound bag of it (not capsulated) for the same price! Holy Smokes!!! I was so glad I had a capsule machine and caps at home. So I have made 4 times as much as the bottle (I use bigger capsules too) and the bag isn't but a 1/4 the way used! So glad Al talked me into making my own capsules years ago!
This cycle though I have added a new thing, Maca root. I've known about it for a while but wasn't convinced to try it. I read up on it as much as I could find and it sounds pretty promising, especially if I take it with DCI. It's supposed to help with almost every female fertility issue. Guess we'll see.
There has been a study done on men with it and has been proven to improve volume, morphology, motility and...I don't remember the other thing right now. But basically it has been proven to help with men's fertility. So, yes, Allen is taking it too. It's even used to help with...well, let's just say it's a natural Viagra.
The part that excites me about it is it helps the endocrine system work better, rather than putting hormones into your body. It's just a super-duper fertility food!
It's amazing to me how much we pay for convenience! I went to Good Earth to get some Maca, $19.95 for a bottle of 90 or 100 caps. Then we found a 1 pound bag of it (not capsulated) for the same price! Holy Smokes!!! I was so glad I had a capsule machine and caps at home. So I have made 4 times as much as the bottle (I use bigger capsules too) and the bag isn't but a 1/4 the way used! So glad Al talked me into making my own capsules years ago!
15 August 2009
Cry Baby
Today has been a bad day. I don't know why. It may have something to do with the weather...where did all the rain come from and 50 degree weather???? Brrr. Can't wait for winter!
Today I feel hopeless about the whole getting pregnant thing. Maybe it's not in the cards...
Seriously even if I don't get pregnant I am going to keep taking DCI for the rest of my life!!! Love that stuff!!!
Allen and I were in WalMart today standing in line when I noticed a girl and I'm assuming it was her boyfriend looking for a candy bar by the check out. They couldn't have been any older than 16 or 17 and in her hand was a pregnancy test.
This is when I figured out today I had been feeling hopeless this whole day. I had to hold the freaking tears back! WTH???
So that is my O Whoa Is Me story for today. What a freak!
Today I feel hopeless about the whole getting pregnant thing. Maybe it's not in the cards...
Seriously even if I don't get pregnant I am going to keep taking DCI for the rest of my life!!! Love that stuff!!!
Allen and I were in WalMart today standing in line when I noticed a girl and I'm assuming it was her boyfriend looking for a candy bar by the check out. They couldn't have been any older than 16 or 17 and in her hand was a pregnancy test.
This is when I figured out today I had been feeling hopeless this whole day. I had to hold the freaking tears back! WTH???
So that is my O Whoa Is Me story for today. What a freak!
13 August 2009
Random Thoughts
Sorry I've been MIA. I've been spending a lot of time talking with my "Cysters" online. Not that I don't get support from the people following our blog but it's just different getting it from people who are in the same boat, paddling to fight the same current, and still feel like they are getting washed downstream.
Sorry if the video clips annoy you but it seems my blog has turned into a PCOS blog. Which is funny because it all started out as a way for birthmothers to get to know us better. I guess if we get picked by a birthmother any time soon she might understand a bit of the stuff infertility causes. Maybe she'll think, "Oh, those poor people! They need a baby to start their family. I think MY baby would be very happy there. Yep! They can adopt my baby!!!"
I LOVE where I am at in life right now. Strange to say since my dream still hasn't been realized. Really, if I look at what I have learned in just the past 6 or 7 months...it boggles my mind. Before I thought it might seriously be hopeless. But now...now, I have found my magic pill and I have the ability to reach out to hundreds if not thousands of women and share. Not only just about DCI but the disease that afflicts 10% of women, some of whom I know and care about. I can be an aid to someone and maybe even be the one to give them the last piece of the infertility puzzle that they need. How awesome it is to know that the research I have done could very possibly make it possible for hundreds of women to have their dream come true!
The past 10 years have been hard with all the ups and downs. Now as I look back...it will be completely worth it if I can help others win their battle.
That's really funny! When I first started typing I was talking about getting washed downstream...How did I get to the I LOVE where I'm at? LOL! Did you know mood swings are a symptom PCOS? Hehehe, along with being a symptom of everything else!
I'm not prego yet and I think it's because I haven't influenced enough people yet or shared my knowledge with the right people. Maybe that's why I have spent so much time on SoulCysters...Hmmm. Yep, think so. Guess I better get my fingers talking to some more Cysters.
Just have to add this! I went on to SoulCysters (where I'm known as joobilee) right after posting this and one of the Cysters had this to say:
joobilee- I really hope this too is my magic pill. I wanted to just thank you for your passion for spreading the word about this very promising supplement. Please keep it up for the sake of all those that are interested in other options that may have not been prescribed by their RE. I am not sure how my RE will be when I tell her next month on my first followup appointment. She was against most commerical natural herb mixes, as in her words many of the supplements are unregulated and QA/QC maybe questionable. I definitely don't feel this is the case with DCI as there are no fillers or other additives.
I am exstatic!!! Maybe I'm already making a difference!!! Yay!!!
Sorry if the video clips annoy you but it seems my blog has turned into a PCOS blog. Which is funny because it all started out as a way for birthmothers to get to know us better. I guess if we get picked by a birthmother any time soon she might understand a bit of the stuff infertility causes. Maybe she'll think, "Oh, those poor people! They need a baby to start their family. I think MY baby would be very happy there. Yep! They can adopt my baby!!!"
I LOVE where I am at in life right now. Strange to say since my dream still hasn't been realized. Really, if I look at what I have learned in just the past 6 or 7 months...it boggles my mind. Before I thought it might seriously be hopeless. But now...now, I have found my magic pill and I have the ability to reach out to hundreds if not thousands of women and share. Not only just about DCI but the disease that afflicts 10% of women, some of whom I know and care about. I can be an aid to someone and maybe even be the one to give them the last piece of the infertility puzzle that they need. How awesome it is to know that the research I have done could very possibly make it possible for hundreds of women to have their dream come true!
The past 10 years have been hard with all the ups and downs. Now as I look back...it will be completely worth it if I can help others win their battle.
That's really funny! When I first started typing I was talking about getting washed downstream...How did I get to the I LOVE where I'm at? LOL! Did you know mood swings are a symptom PCOS? Hehehe, along with being a symptom of everything else!
I'm not prego yet and I think it's because I haven't influenced enough people yet or shared my knowledge with the right people. Maybe that's why I have spent so much time on SoulCysters...Hmmm. Yep, think so. Guess I better get my fingers talking to some more Cysters.
Just have to add this! I went on to SoulCysters (where I'm known as joobilee) right after posting this and one of the Cysters had this to say:
joobilee- I really hope this too is my magic pill. I wanted to just thank you for your passion for spreading the word about this very promising supplement. Please keep it up for the sake of all those that are interested in other options that may have not been prescribed by their RE. I am not sure how my RE will be when I tell her next month on my first followup appointment. She was against most commerical natural herb mixes, as in her words many of the supplements are unregulated and QA/QC maybe questionable. I definitely don't feel this is the case with DCI as there are no fillers or other additives.
I am exstatic!!! Maybe I'm already making a difference!!! Yay!!!
01 August 2009
In Need of Support...
Sorry no updates for so long. I've been stuck in a slump, pretty deep one, me thinks. Still not out but gettin' there. You know one of those slumps that it seems everything that can go wrong will, is or did.
The whole court thing about the dogs is killing me! Not only having to choose which ones to go but the actual court thing, and I get to go back at the end of this month...yay. I've never had to deal with prosecuting attorneys or judges or any of the stuff that goes with it. It's so confusing and stressful! I feel like my gut is eating itself and my head is going to explode!
Didn't realize it until I was standing in front of the judge that infact I have eight, yes eight, Class B Misdemeanor charges against me. Technically they can (each) land you in jail...and I have eight of them. Four counts of too many dogs, and four counts of failure to license. I don't think I would be so stressed if I could get the prosecuting attorney to return my freakin' phone calls! Grrr! It's frustration to the point of tears. You all know what I am talking about, been there done that, right?
A little of the stress would be relieved also if Sam would've been able to keep Rio and Tank. But now we have four dogs again and trying to decide what to do with them.
The whole court thing about the dogs is killing me! Not only having to choose which ones to go but the actual court thing, and I get to go back at the end of this month...yay. I've never had to deal with prosecuting attorneys or judges or any of the stuff that goes with it. It's so confusing and stressful! I feel like my gut is eating itself and my head is going to explode!
Didn't realize it until I was standing in front of the judge that infact I have eight, yes eight, Class B Misdemeanor charges against me. Technically they can (each) land you in jail...and I have eight of them. Four counts of too many dogs, and four counts of failure to license. I don't think I would be so stressed if I could get the prosecuting attorney to return my freakin' phone calls! Grrr! It's frustration to the point of tears. You all know what I am talking about, been there done that, right?
A little of the stress would be relieved also if Sam would've been able to keep Rio and Tank. But now we have four dogs again and trying to decide what to do with them.
- Skunk I feel we need to keep because he has a bit of a medical problem that needs to be addressed. I can't give him to someone and just trust it'll get taken care of.
- MAK has a food allergy (recently figured out) and he needs to eat mostly vegetarian food (pretty expensive dog food). Not only that I would really like to have a big dog for a watch dog when Allen is working nights.
- Tank has a serious food allergy and also needs to eat vegetarian. If he eats anything but that he pukes everywhere! Not many people can deal with a puppy, who chews and eats everything, that pukes everytime he eats something other than his vegetarian dog food.
- Which brings me to Rio whom has had a tough life and was beat before we got him (evident by the way he acted when we got him). And even though we have had him since Nov (I think) we are just barely gaining his complete trust. I can't let him go to a stranger that I have to worry about him getting beat again, or mistreated. Besides that he's my little buddy. Anytime I can't see him and I ask Allen, "Do you know where Rio is?" The answer is almost always, "Right behind you." Oh, my little shadow...
What do I do? How do you choose? Then how do you decide if you are sending them to a safe place? I don't know...I just feel so sad...
17 July 2009
My Beautiful Roses
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this rosebush!!! We bought it back the end of Feb, I think, and planted it. I really thought it had no chance. But it was only a few bucks so Allen said, "What the heck. Might as well give it a bit of a chance." 
So we brought it home and threw it in the ground. We knew it had more of a chance there than in the plastic bag it was in. It really struggled for a while. Thought we were gonna lose it.
So we brought it home and threw it in the ground. We knew it had more of a chance there than in the plastic bag it was in. It really struggled for a while. Thought we were gonna lose it.
Then the spring was really wet and mild and it pulled through beautifully. This is the coolest part though, when it first blooms it's almost white in the middle (see 1st pic). Then as the sun is on it more the petals darken until it's a dark magenta (see 3rd pic). 
Kind of magical and so pretty too!!15 July 2009
4 Of Our Furbabies Have To Go :(
I'm so angry at our city!!! Friday afternoon there was a knock on the door. An older guy was standing there. I assumed he was going to ask the usual questions about the shop next door that I have nothing to do with.
So I opened the door and he said, "How are you?"
Me: "Good. How are you?"
Him: "Well, I'm really sorry, but I have to give you a citation for too many dogs."
Me: "Okay..."
Him: "I'm real sorry but the city is really strict on this one."
So I invited him in to where it was cooler and quieter.
I told him that before we got that many we had my brother (who was a cop for the city) look into it and find out what the laws are as far as the number of dogs you can have. He found nothing limiting the number you can have. He insisted it IS a law and the city is very strict.
When he went out to write up the citation I woke Allen up and told him what was going on. He said that's a load of crap because not only did Sam look up the animal laws his Lt did too!
Well, the guy came back in and Allen talked to him about it. Come to find out, it's not in the animal laws it's under the nuisance ordinances!!! Funny thing is he didn't say someone complained because they were being a nuisance. He said he found out because he pulled off the road to talk on the phone and they all came to the fence.
I know they aren't a nuisance because we keep their poop cleaned up so it isn't smelly or anything, and they only bark occasionally because unless there is a good reason to bark we muzzle them. Not only that, the woman across the street whom my mom cleans house for says she never hears them barking!!! She has told my mom that on many occasion because it surprises her because there are so many of them. Grrr!!! So angry!!! and sad:(
Luckily Sam has always had a bond with Rio and they wanted a more sturdy dog for the kids so he took my two favorites. So sad to see them go. But we have already been out to their house twice since Sunday when they picked them up and I think they are going to be just fine. I miss them sooo much though!
I think my in-laws will take Zeus for a time anyway, they want a big dog to sit in the store with my ma-in-law. Until after the court date anyway. Then we will see what the judge says. I'm hoping if I can prove to him that they aren't a nuisance I will be able to keep them. Until then though, they will have new homes to be adjusting to. Hopefully the last one we need to find a new home for (which ever one it may be) will be close and I will get to at least check on him for the first while.
Then there is just one more to find a home for. We don't know if we should find one for Dozer or Mak...or maybe even Skunk. I don't know...how do you choose? They are all my little furbabies. It's so strange to have just the two already gone.
Not only that we picked up a little kitten a while ago. He was supposed to be an outdoor kitty. Somehow it didn't happen. But neither one of us wants another indoor cat so we are looking for a new home for him. Hopefully that happens soon because he is so adorable and plays so well with the dogs!!! So stinkin' cute!!!
So I opened the door and he said, "How are you?"
Me: "Good. How are you?"
Him: "Well, I'm really sorry, but I have to give you a citation for too many dogs."
Me: "Okay..."
Him: "I'm real sorry but the city is really strict on this one."
So I invited him in to where it was cooler and quieter.
I told him that before we got that many we had my brother (who was a cop for the city) look into it and find out what the laws are as far as the number of dogs you can have. He found nothing limiting the number you can have. He insisted it IS a law and the city is very strict.
When he went out to write up the citation I woke Allen up and told him what was going on. He said that's a load of crap because not only did Sam look up the animal laws his Lt did too!
Well, the guy came back in and Allen talked to him about it. Come to find out, it's not in the animal laws it's under the nuisance ordinances!!! Funny thing is he didn't say someone complained because they were being a nuisance. He said he found out because he pulled off the road to talk on the phone and they all came to the fence.
I know they aren't a nuisance because we keep their poop cleaned up so it isn't smelly or anything, and they only bark occasionally because unless there is a good reason to bark we muzzle them. Not only that, the woman across the street whom my mom cleans house for says she never hears them barking!!! She has told my mom that on many occasion because it surprises her because there are so many of them. Grrr!!! So angry!!! and sad:(
Luckily Sam has always had a bond with Rio and they wanted a more sturdy dog for the kids so he took my two favorites. So sad to see them go. But we have already been out to their house twice since Sunday when they picked them up and I think they are going to be just fine. I miss them sooo much though!
I think my in-laws will take Zeus for a time anyway, they want a big dog to sit in the store with my ma-in-law. Until after the court date anyway. Then we will see what the judge says. I'm hoping if I can prove to him that they aren't a nuisance I will be able to keep them. Until then though, they will have new homes to be adjusting to. Hopefully the last one we need to find a new home for (which ever one it may be) will be close and I will get to at least check on him for the first while.
Then there is just one more to find a home for. We don't know if we should find one for Dozer or Mak...or maybe even Skunk. I don't know...how do you choose? They are all my little furbabies. It's so strange to have just the two already gone.
Not only that we picked up a little kitten a while ago. He was supposed to be an outdoor kitty. Somehow it didn't happen. But neither one of us wants another indoor cat so we are looking for a new home for him. Hopefully that happens soon because he is so adorable and plays so well with the dogs!!! So stinkin' cute!!!
10 July 2009
Albino Zucchini?
What the...? When we first noticed our little albino we thought as it got bigger it would darken. Nope!!! We have an albino zucchini growing in our garden, how freakin' cool is that? The entire plant doesn't grow'em albino. Just this one. How strange. Anyone ever hear of a albino zucchini before?
04 July 2009
Baby Names
I want twins and always have, twin boys to be exact. When I'm finally able to get preggers I feel I will be having boys. The first I thought of this really was about 10 yrs ago, shortly after we got married. We had decided there was no time like the present to start trying for a baby. Although we both knew it was going to be a struggle. So in my hopeful thinking I decided that if we were going to have a baby it was going to need a name. I ended up looking through year books to get ideas. In Allen's Snow College yr bk I found the name I was looking for, Gunner. I wanted the baby, if a boy, to be named after his daddy so I decided on Allen Gunner and he will go by Gunner. I didn't tell Allen about it, I don't think, until we had been trying for a few years with no luck. He really liked the name so lucky for us that was decided.
With the want of twins we needed a second name. Allen came up with Andreas Michle. Named after both of our dads. I think he did really well. Technically not after his dad because he doesn't have a middle name it's just the initial "A", but it stands for Andreas. My dad has always hated the way his name is spelled because people think it's Michelle. So if we need the second name...would it still be named after my dad if we change the spelling to a more traditional spelling? Hmmm.
So what do you think of the names Allen Gunner Jensen and Andreas Michle Jensen?
With the want of twins we needed a second name. Allen came up with Andreas Michle. Named after both of our dads. I think he did really well. Technically not after his dad because he doesn't have a middle name it's just the initial "A", but it stands for Andreas. My dad has always hated the way his name is spelled because people think it's Michelle. So if we need the second name...would it still be named after my dad if we change the spelling to a more traditional spelling? Hmmm.
So what do you think of the names Allen Gunner Jensen and Andreas Michle Jensen?
Where's the Path of Our Journey Going to Take Us?
Since I'm pretty sure that we are going to be able to create a family (recent development) I've of lately wondered why we needed to get approved through LDS Family Services for adoption... When we started the process we both felt pretty strongly that's what we needed to do to create our family. If we wouldn't have felt strongly about it, I really don't think we would've spent the $1000 just to get the approval to start on getting approved. Frustration with the process, miscommunication with the agency, and not wanting to submit to the diagnosis of infertile slowed us down and eventually stopped us.
So for a time our profile sat idle, not quite approved. Then kind of out of the blue we were still laying in bed talking one morning about how we should just finish our profile. The phone rang and I just knew it was our caseworker. I said to Allen, "That's Sarah now. Guess that's a sign we really need to get it completed." It wouldn't be weird if we had been talking to her on a regular basis, but we hadn't talked to her for a couple months. Oh yeah, it was her. So after talking to her we both felt very inspired to finish and we did. But this all begs the question, "Are we supposed to adopt, too?"
I'll be honest, I haven't given it much thought, I've just assumed that is what the future holds. But...Will I still want to after I am able to have even just one of my own? I know some people get offended by others who have biological children of their own and yet want to adopt. It doesn't bother me I just assume they are doing what feels right for them, but would it be fair and would I feel right about taking a baby that could go to a different loving home where the parents aren't able to have kids? Or maybe there was something along the journey of getting approved that actually changed our lives and that is not the path for us at all. I don't know and once again I have no crystal ball to gaze into to get my answers, heaven knows I wish I did.
It's just crazy to think about all the pieces of the puzzle that seem to fit nowhere, then one day you realize...not only do they fit but they are key parts to making the puzzle complete. It brings everything together and connects it in a way that no other piece can. A different picture on the piece would make it not work or jive with the picture it would look funny and make it uncomfortable to look at, and a little bit different shape would make it not fit at all. The puzzle I am talking about is perfect...there are no pieces that don't belong. I just wonder where this little piece fits in my life?
This thought has brought me back to a book I've read, many times actually. It's called "The Dreamgiver" It's actually a parable but it is such a good book. Makes me cry like a baby every time. And it's such a quick read! Only takes about an hour to read it. When I have kids it will be a bedtime story that they will hear over and over and over.
If you have made it clear through this post...very sorry so long. So many things swimming through my head and Allen's sleeping (working graveyards right now) so I have to let it out somewhere. :)
So for a time our profile sat idle, not quite approved. Then kind of out of the blue we were still laying in bed talking one morning about how we should just finish our profile. The phone rang and I just knew it was our caseworker. I said to Allen, "That's Sarah now. Guess that's a sign we really need to get it completed." It wouldn't be weird if we had been talking to her on a regular basis, but we hadn't talked to her for a couple months. Oh yeah, it was her. So after talking to her we both felt very inspired to finish and we did. But this all begs the question, "Are we supposed to adopt, too?"
I'll be honest, I haven't given it much thought, I've just assumed that is what the future holds. But...Will I still want to after I am able to have even just one of my own? I know some people get offended by others who have biological children of their own and yet want to adopt. It doesn't bother me I just assume they are doing what feels right for them, but would it be fair and would I feel right about taking a baby that could go to a different loving home where the parents aren't able to have kids? Or maybe there was something along the journey of getting approved that actually changed our lives and that is not the path for us at all. I don't know and once again I have no crystal ball to gaze into to get my answers, heaven knows I wish I did.
It's just crazy to think about all the pieces of the puzzle that seem to fit nowhere, then one day you realize...not only do they fit but they are key parts to making the puzzle complete. It brings everything together and connects it in a way that no other piece can. A different picture on the piece would make it not work or jive with the picture it would look funny and make it uncomfortable to look at, and a little bit different shape would make it not fit at all. The puzzle I am talking about is perfect...there are no pieces that don't belong. I just wonder where this little piece fits in my life?
This thought has brought me back to a book I've read, many times actually. It's called "The Dreamgiver" It's actually a parable but it is such a good book. Makes me cry like a baby every time. And it's such a quick read! Only takes about an hour to read it. When I have kids it will be a bedtime story that they will hear over and over and over.
If you have made it clear through this post...very sorry so long. So many things swimming through my head and Allen's sleeping (working graveyards right now) so I have to let it out somewhere. :)
Looking Back
Allen and I have been talking about what if we do get pregnant? Talking about the possibility causes us to pause for a minute and think.
Neither one of us has wanted, desired or craved anything as long as we have wanted to have a family. When infertility raises it's ugly, oh, so ugly, head it does something to couples. Not only does it make us want what we can't have even more, which is the natural human response to being told no. It also either brings them closer together because they are fighting together to achieve a goal or it tears them apart because they don't know how to hang on to each other and look to the other for support when the going gets rough, and boy howdy does it get rough! Really though, how could it not get rough with all the anger, sadness, disappointment, fear, emptiness, heartache, loneliness and embarrassment that goes with it? Allen and I have experienced both ends of the spectrum. Hence the being divorced for a year, then a second wedding. Lol. Thank goodness we learned to communicate, give and take support and work together!
Neither one of us has wanted, desired or craved anything as long as we have wanted to have a family. When infertility raises it's ugly, oh, so ugly, head it does something to couples. Not only does it make us want what we can't have even more, which is the natural human response to being told no. It also either brings them closer together because they are fighting together to achieve a goal or it tears them apart because they don't know how to hang on to each other and look to the other for support when the going gets rough, and boy howdy does it get rough! Really though, how could it not get rough with all the anger, sadness, disappointment, fear, emptiness, heartache, loneliness and embarrassment that goes with it? Allen and I have experienced both ends of the spectrum. Hence the being divorced for a year, then a second wedding. Lol. Thank goodness we learned to communicate, give and take support and work together!
Don't' know why I just wrote all that but I guess when our kids are grown I will have had this put into a book and they will be able to read this and maybe appreciate all we went through to bring them to
our family. Hehehe. 
The pictures I just had to add because they are really the only two pics of our 2nd wedding. It was in my parents front room, Allen's dad performed the ceremony (Mayor of Centerfield) and the only ones we had there were our parents. We did have a family dinner after though. What a redneck I married...twice! Love him though, wouldn't trade him for anything!!!
02 July 2009
Just A Daydream
Be patient with me please. You know how people get when they are excited about something...just can't stop talking about it. Well, right now I'm beyond excited about the idea of being able to give Allen children. Still not pregnant but at least I can once again dream about it and that is exactly what I am doing.In my mind this is pretty close to what our babies will look like. I'm really hoping they have Allen's olive complexion, dark curly (wavy when short) hair and brown eyes. And very much wanting boys...I just don't know if I could handle a girl. I really don't know how my mom put up with me.
I know how boys think and I get it, but girls...it's beyond me. Not all, just most. I've always had more guy friends than girl friends just for the simple fact I can talk to guys so much easier. They really are a pretty simple people...they like it the biggest, baddest, fastest and if it's dangerous, even better.
Anyway, saw this picture on some website and it sent me into a daydream. It started with blue eyes but I don't believe I'll ever have a blue-eyed baby so to bring you into my daydream a little bit better I changed the eyes to match how I saw it. I would've put it in my arms but...it didn't have a body in the picture and I'm not that good with the computer. S
o the brown eyes is as far as I could bring you.I guess I am a strange one...sharing my daydream...what a nut. Hehe. BTW, any prayers you wanna send up to heaven for us would be appreciated. :)
As requested, here's a green/hazel eyed baby with closer to my complexion. Not as cute as olive skin and brown eyes...boy...I hope they take after their daddy.
27 June 2009
Aunty F Came For a Visit--Yay(?)
I had decided not to blog about this (you know...to avoid questions) but I'm too excited...very strange thing to be excited about, I know, but it's really not Aunty F that I'm excited about it's the possibilities she brings with her...assuming I will ovulate.
This is probably a little weird but we (I) would really like twins...we have catchin' up to do. Lol Found this ticker on one of the sites I found in my quest to find an online BBT chart. Thought I would share cuz it's cute, and helped get my hopes up.
I know that I am totally getting the cart before the horse but hey, God put us here and gave us dreams to make us happy. Right now the idea of a childhood (adolescent, and adult) dream coming true sure as heck makes me happy. Allen says he's pretty excited about the possibility but he's such a non-emotion showing guy sometimes it's hard to believe. But really about this...how could he not be excited?
Before we got married we talked about how bad he wanted a family and kids (we didn't talk about me wanting because I didn't think I could ever give him that) and I told him if he really wants kids and wants them to share DNA with him he really needed to marry someone else. It would have broke my heart into a million little shards but I would prefer that over getting married and having him despise me because I couldn't give him what he truly wanted.
Lucky for me I (my grandparents rather) found a REAL man who told me, if we have to adopt to create our family that's okay because they would be ours. God is at the helm and he knows the directions to get us to the place we need to go. So if they end up in our family that means God designed them to be ours and they are ours. Period. Okay he didn't say that exactly because it was a whole conversation...but that was the jest of it.
This is nothing short of a miracle in my mind. Even if I don't get knocked up, just to have something that will keep me from crossing the line from insulin resistant to full blown diabetes and will keep me from getting uterine cancer...I think it's worth it. Truly though...I think (hope) it may be our turn.
24 June 2009
PCOS and Frustrations
A few months ago when I found DCI I happened to find a message board that has been incredibly helpful and provide a lot of support (not that others have not been supportive, it's just different coming from someone who is in the same boat). I go on everyday and talk to other women who suffer from PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome.
I love this board because for the last ten years I haven't been able to explain to people the emotional crap that goes along with it. Not just the infertility but the low self-esteem that goes along with the weight, skin problems, hirsutism, low energy and in general not feeling very healthy (good). On soulcysters.net we understand each other. Everyone has their own story too, including what has helped and what hasn't (very helpful). I love being able to share my knowledge about DCI with people who can really use it!!! If what I know can help others get rid of the crappy symptoms and even better than that help them get knocked up (I always ask Allen, "When you gonna knock me up?")...my 10 yrs of infertility and emotional yuck...soooo worth it!!! The past few days I kind of wonder if that was the purpose.
Back when I was diagnosed I didn't know how to go about getting a lot of information about it. Don't get me wrong...I spent hours researching. But over the years I kind of quit trying to figure it all out because I wasn't getting pregnant with any of the information I could find. But 10+ years ago there wasn't nearly as much available info as there is now. Now all you have to do is Google PCOS and...bam...prettty much everything you want to know. If you want to know about symptoms and why they happen. This is going to sound a little strange, you still have to look pretty hard to find that the root cause for it is Insulin Resistance (does insurance control the internet too?). It's really very annoying.
I thank God everyday for leading me to Dr Purser who actually told me he was worried about my insulin levels. He didn't down play it like every other doc I have seen. He very easily could've said like I have heard MANY times before, "Your insulin is up, you should probably be taking Metformin to help with that."
It's estimated that upwards of 10% of all women have PCOS, a lot of them don't know it though (makes sense...how many people keep track of their insulin (not glucose) levels?) This makes me think that ALL ObGyn's should be very educated about this problem. But I've seen a few and I really have to wonder if they know as much about it as I do...the patient. Very frustrating!!!
Sorry so long...it was supposed to be real short but I have a tendency to just keep going when I talk about this subject. I'm just hoping at some point this post may find it's way to someone(s) who it can help.
I love this board because for the last ten years I haven't been able to explain to people the emotional crap that goes along with it. Not just the infertility but the low self-esteem that goes along with the weight, skin problems, hirsutism, low energy and in general not feeling very healthy (good). On soulcysters.net we understand each other. Everyone has their own story too, including what has helped and what hasn't (very helpful). I love being able to share my knowledge about DCI with people who can really use it!!! If what I know can help others get rid of the crappy symptoms and even better than that help them get knocked up (I always ask Allen, "When you gonna knock me up?")...my 10 yrs of infertility and emotional yuck...soooo worth it!!! The past few days I kind of wonder if that was the purpose.
Back when I was diagnosed I didn't know how to go about getting a lot of information about it. Don't get me wrong...I spent hours researching. But over the years I kind of quit trying to figure it all out because I wasn't getting pregnant with any of the information I could find. But 10+ years ago there wasn't nearly as much available info as there is now. Now all you have to do is Google PCOS and...bam...prettty much everything you want to know. If you want to know about symptoms and why they happen. This is going to sound a little strange, you still have to look pretty hard to find that the root cause for it is Insulin Resistance (does insurance control the internet too?). It's really very annoying.
I thank God everyday for leading me to Dr Purser who actually told me he was worried about my insulin levels. He didn't down play it like every other doc I have seen. He very easily could've said like I have heard MANY times before, "Your insulin is up, you should probably be taking Metformin to help with that."
It's estimated that upwards of 10% of all women have PCOS, a lot of them don't know it though (makes sense...how many people keep track of their insulin (not glucose) levels?) This makes me think that ALL ObGyn's should be very educated about this problem. But I've seen a few and I really have to wonder if they know as much about it as I do...the patient. Very frustrating!!!
Sorry so long...it was supposed to be real short but I have a tendency to just keep going when I talk about this subject. I'm just hoping at some point this post may find it's way to someone(s) who it can help.
20 June 2009
Me 'n' My Daddy
A long, long time ago when I was...oh, gosh...6 or 7 yrs old I always had such a hard time falling asleep. Especially after the first time I discovered that after all the kids were "asleep" my parents would stay up and watch M*A*S*H, but not only that! They would also go to Parker's (small food joint here in town) and get shakes!
I discovered this all by accident, I was innocently laying there in bed waiting for sleep to come, trying to be a good kid and not get yelled at to get in bed and go to sleep...again, when I heard the front door close and heard the car leave.
I didn't think both my parents would just leave us all alone so I lay there thinking and pondering why one of them would leave, but that soon lead somehow to being sure they had both left and were never to return. Maybe that day we had all really pushed our limits or something...I don't know. Soon I had to venture downstairs to see if we were indeed left all alone.
As I crept down the stairs I could hear the T.V. and could see light shining from the front room. I knew one of them was there. After all, they wouldn't leave the T.V. and the lights in the room on wasting all that electricity! So I went to the bathroom...yeah right, like I needed to. It was the only way I could come out into the open to see who was still there without getting into trouble for not being in bed.
It was my dad. Since I have four brothers I didn't get too much one-on-one time with dad (who obviously would bond more easily with my bros, especially since he had only one sister and half a dozen or so brothers).
After potty break I went into the front room rubbing my eyes to make it obvious that I had just woke up. He asked what I was doing up I told him had to go to the bathroom, then promptly asked where mom went. He asked how I knew she left and what did it matter to me? I don't know how else it went but somehow I got out of him she went to get shakes at Parker's and I ended up on his lap waiting for mom to get back with "their" shakes, sure was a good midnight snack...hehe.
I liked the coolness of being able to eat shakes with my mom and dad just me 'n' them but the thing I liked the very best was being able to sit on my dad's lap leaning back against him to rest my head on his shoulder and watching T.V. with him. Just him and me... I don't recall how many times I got away with this but it seems it was a good handful of times anyway. I don't know if he even remembers it but I do, and always will.
When I think about my dad this is the memory that enters my head every time. I will cherish watching M*A*S*H with him forever. I love my daddy and am so glad he is my daddy!
11 June 2009
Still Infertile...
Since I originally posted I've figured out that indeed I did ovulate the spotting I thought to be aunt flo (and took clomid) was from ovulating. :) Very happy! And the clomid did cause the corpus luteum to quit producing progesterone which causes temp drop. And the clomid didn't make me ovulate because my body just wasn't able to get ready that soon after ovulating. Pretty cool.
Well, well, well...
I thought I had ovulated. According to Fertility Friend (I chart my BBT there) I had. But then I took the clomid and I thought I had messed the charting up and that's why the temp drop...but no. According to blood test ordered by my OB there was no ovulation so I guess I'm still infertile.
Next thing is to get a real Aunt Flo to visit by taking something (usually takes a few different things to have it work). A road I am very familiar with...and I have to tell you...I am scared to death that once again all the tests and everything will come back "normal" and dr will say, "I don't know what else I can do. Good luck." And I will be right back where I was not too long ago which is infertile and little hope of ever conceiving.
What a bummer...
To be perfectly honest though not all hope is lost. I mean my insulin is normal (hasn't been for who knows how many years) which does affect all my other hormones. It could just be a matter of time before my body gets them all straightened out and working the way they should.
Who knows....
Well, well, well...
I thought I had ovulated. According to Fertility Friend (I chart my BBT there) I had. But then I took the clomid and I thought I had messed the charting up and that's why the temp drop...but no. According to blood test ordered by my OB there was no ovulation so I guess I'm still infertile.
Next thing is to get a real Aunt Flo to visit by taking something (usually takes a few different things to have it work). A road I am very familiar with...and I have to tell you...I am scared to death that once again all the tests and everything will come back "normal" and dr will say, "I don't know what else I can do. Good luck." And I will be right back where I was not too long ago which is infertile and little hope of ever conceiving.
What a bummer...
To be perfectly honest though not all hope is lost. I mean my insulin is normal (hasn't been for who knows how many years) which does affect all my other hormones. It could just be a matter of time before my body gets them all straightened out and working the way they should.
Who knows....
09 June 2009
Family Reunion
Over the weekend Allen and I went to a family reunion...always interesting.
On Friday we helped Al's little bro and wife move to Parawan. Finally got to camp around dinner time. Then not too long after dinner time we noticed Skunk had a real medical problem. He has had the problem before but it has always gone away and never got that bad. So we then decided we better get him to a vet and get some antibiotics. We've already had a dog die due to an infection, it was internal so we had no idea she had it but it was devastating none the less.
Anywho, we drove 30 min to the nearest town...no vets available. Long story short we ended up in Orem until 1:00 am getting our little Skunk checked out and meds. We decided we were going to sleep in our own bed even if just for a few hours before heading back to the reunion. Happy to report Skunk is doing very well!
I would have pictures of everybody digging and then panning the dirt for gold but when we came home for the night with Skunk we took the Expedition back down instead of the truck and the camera...it was forgotten in the truck...grrr!!!
It was a lot of fun. You would think after 10 yrs of marriage I would know Allen's family or at least the majority. Nope. I didn't know very many of them at all.
Oh well, we are glad to be home and I'm pretty sure the dogs are too. They enjoyed themselves but they were all wanting to come home too. While we were packing up they wouldn't let us out of their sight. For their first camping trip they did really well.
On Friday we helped Al's little bro and wife move to Parawan. Finally got to camp around dinner time. Then not too long after dinner time we noticed Skunk had a real medical problem. He has had the problem before but it has always gone away and never got that bad. So we then decided we better get him to a vet and get some antibiotics. We've already had a dog die due to an infection, it was internal so we had no idea she had it but it was devastating none the less.
Anywho, we drove 30 min to the nearest town...no vets available. Long story short we ended up in Orem until 1:00 am getting our little Skunk checked out and meds. We decided we were going to sleep in our own bed even if just for a few hours before heading back to the reunion. Happy to report Skunk is doing very well!
I would have pictures of everybody digging and then panning the dirt for gold but when we came home for the night with Skunk we took the Expedition back down instead of the truck and the camera...it was forgotten in the truck...grrr!!!
It was a lot of fun. You would think after 10 yrs of marriage I would know Allen's family or at least the majority. Nope. I didn't know very many of them at all.
Oh well, we are glad to be home and I'm pretty sure the dogs are too. They enjoyed themselves but they were all wanting to come home too. While we were packing up they wouldn't let us out of their sight. For their first camping trip they did really well.
04 June 2009
Our New Nephew
Saturday Allen and I got a new nephew... this is Aiden. He is super cute! 
Poor kid...too big...had to come into this world with someone pushing on his head and a different person tuggin' on his body. He was stuck! Had two days worth of labor to prove it. 
Look at this cute new mommy!
Not to mention the proud and excited older brother!
Look at Allen holding a cute little newborn...only a few hours old at this time.He's gonna be such a cute daddy!!! I just love this man!!!
I just love baby's fingers and toes!! So stinkin' CUTE!!!
Poor kid...too big...had to come into this world with someone pushing on his head and a different person tuggin' on his body. He was stuck! Had two days worth of labor to prove it. 
Look at this cute new mommy!And what a cute happy little family!
Not to mention the proud and excited older brother!Look at Allen holding a cute little newborn...only a few hours old at this time.I just love baby's fingers and toes!! So stinkin' CUTE!!!Weird thing is...this is the first time that I have went to see a new baby and not felt jealous. I really think it may be my turn soon. Maybe through adoption, maybe biologically (I don't really care) but I really feel it's my turn soon. :)
Forgot How Gorgeous the Canyon Is
Over Memorial Day weekend Allen wanted to go check out the trail that his 4x4 club was planning on running on Memorial Day. I didn't really want to go but I figured if he did anything not so bright and got stuck it would be better if there was two of us. It was drizzly that day on and off. Ever since they have started charging to go up the canyon I don't go much because I don't like to pay to enjoy what God gave us. Really a pet peeve of mine.
S0 we went up to Mineral Basin...parts of the road only one vehicle fits. That was not what I call fun. I'm very afraid of heights and when the side of the truck I'm sittin in is basically hanging over a cliff it's panic time. Luckily most people who go up there understand what a problem this can be and are willing to back up to make room.
In the end though it is worth it because it is so green, cool and quiet...did I mention it's quiet? All the hussle and bussle of city life really wears on ya (especially living on a very busy corner). But it's so gradual that it's hardly noticeable until you escape, even if just for a few hours. With the run off right now the streams are like booming rivers so everywhere you go you can hear the water...so relaxing...love it. I was kind of disappointed though because I didn't see any wild life...still enjoyed the peace and quiet though.
When I was in high school and there after (til I got hitched) I used to drive the canyon. There was always a spot somewhere that seemed to beckon me. I would park then soon I would be out of the car and into nature I would disappear....the good ol' days. I don't know if it's just me or if it's nature. But in these alone times with nothing but nature around me (sound of passing cars blocked by the sound of the river, or stream if the end of summer) I always, always feel peaceful. Like everything is okay, troubles disappear and everything is just okay. I look around and every living thing around me feels like it's God's way of saying, "I love you". Sounds cheesy I know but...that's just me.
One day I'm going to get out of the city for good. I'm going to move far away from traffic and confusion. I'm going to be able to look out my back (or front or side) windows and see trees, grass, animals, a stream...anything but asphalt, buildings and cars. I can't wait!!!
I almost forgot, Allen got a new Jeep. Obviously not NEW, but new to him. It was completely free except the gas to go get it. Although it is more of a project than originally thought. He was told it was a problem with the starter but nay...the engine is seized. That's okay though, he has a newly rebuilt engine he can put in it. He's so excited about having a project he can put together and modify souly for the purpose of going on trails with his 4x4 Club. I have to admit...I'm pretty excited too. :)
Fresh Veggies Comin' Right Up
I think it was Monday when we were out admiring our garden when we notices that some of them thar radishes were ripe and ready to be picked. We were sooo excited!!
Our radishes made the store bought taste weak and watered down, they were so good! Al thought I was a real nut-job having him "pose" with some radishes. :) I can't wait for the rest of the veges to be ripe and pickable. After trying the couple of radishes we decided if we wanted carrots to eat we'd better thin them out and give them some room to grow. 
Thanks to Shilo (Sam's wife) we have corn, carrots, beets, cantaloupe, watermelon, peas, and squash growing. This year we decided that the garden is probably too big for just the two of us and Shilo was wanting a garden so she started them and got them growing. Then a couple weeks ago transplanted them into the garden. Love that chickie-poo, Sam done good when he married her.
Our radishes made the store bought taste weak and watered down, they were so good! Al thought I was a real nut-job having him "pose" with some radishes. :) I can't wait for the rest of the veges to be ripe and pickable. After trying the couple of radishes we decided if we wanted carrots to eat we'd better thin them out and give them some room to grow. Thanks to Shilo (Sam's wife) we have corn, carrots, beets, cantaloupe, watermelon, peas, and squash growing. This year we decided that the garden is probably too big for just the two of us and Shilo was wanting a garden so she started them and got them growing. Then a couple weeks ago transplanted them into the garden. Love that chickie-poo, Sam done good when he married her. So the excitement is escalating everyday! And the tomatoes...they all have flowers and soon will have little green ta-maters growing!!! CAN'T WAIT! Those are my favorite! And the plants smell so good!
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