How Things Change

I can't get out of my head how different things are in our marriage. The first time we were married within six months I wanted out, at one point I actually left but was guilted in to going back. Then we got marriage counseling...that was a frickin' joke! All we found out there was I am a "black widow spider" and the counselor told me it was all me because if he didn't do things exactly how I wanted then I would attack. So for the next three years or so we were miserable together, I mean there was NO love. Okay, we loved each other but we didn't like each other. So I found a way out and I ran, out of state actually. But within a year we both new that we were needed each other, not to mention the Lord knew and kept making our paths cross. So we decided to take another stab at it. I think we were both a little skeptical but we were more miserable apart than we were together.

Things went well for a minute, then started back into the same ol' stuff. We were hoping and praying for help to figure out how to make it work when an angel (not literally) showed up at our door and shared some stuff with us that lead us to a bunch of people whose main objective is to help people improve themselves and their lives. They introduced us to books. At first we both resisted. Neither one of us liked to read or had read since we were in school.

But then we read "The Five Love Languages" that changed our marriage. Our love languages are so different, no wonder why neither of us felt loved. There was still more to learn though. Then we were told about "Love and Respect". WOW! What a powerful book! Reading this and talking about it changed things sooooo much! Now we understood each other and ourselves. We always new how differently men and women are wired but never could quite understand in what ways. This book cleared it right up. But you put those two books together and actually talk about them.......it's truely amazing how things can change.

I don't think I will ever quit reading now. Because out of every book that I read there is at least one nugget that I can take and apply to the way I live and it just makes it that much better. Next ones on my list are "His Needs Her Needs" "The Five Languages of Apology" "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" "Good to Great" "How to Win Friends and Influence People" "Launching a Leadership Revolution" (I think I need a repeat of "The Anatomy of Peace" there was just so much I couldn't soak it all in one time through) and there's a bunch of others just sitting on the shelves calling my name, telling me there is something for me in them.

Allen has read most of them which is probably the reason our marriage and relationship is on such an upward spiral. If I would get on the ball and get all of them read I can't even imagine how good things could be and how fast. I guess the thing that matters though is things are getting better every day. I wouldn't trade Allen or our relationship for anything. I am so blessed to have this wonderful man for eternity. I just know he is going to be the best daddy ever! (When that day comes I suspect he'll read a bunch of books on how to successfully raise children and what to expect, just about anything he can find me thinks, we already have "The Five Love Languages of Children".)

Draper Temple

Monday Allen, myself and my mom went to the Draper Temple open house. It never ceases to amaze me how all the temples are so different and unique, but the feeling is the exact same. Well, going to an open house is obviously different than when you are attending to do ordinances. Actually...I guess just the intensity is different, and that would only be because of the reverence. Sitting in the church waiting to watch the video before being bussed to the Temple my mom was telling me how she took all five of us kids to the Jordan Temple open house. My baby brother was a new born and my oldest brother would have been seven. She said it was quite a handful and wouldn't do it again. In fact she said she wouldn't take kids until they were closer to eight. But you know, I would've been three and I remember (very vaguely) going to it. I do remember seeing an alter (didn't know what it was then of course) in a room and looking at the mirrors and the chandelier. I don't know why I remember that part, whether it was the feeling when looking in the sealing room or the sparkly chandelier, I don't know. But even at that age I do remember knowing that something was different inside the Temple. Maybe it was because my mom explained how important it was, but I really believe the reason is simple...I felt inside and knew that it was the Lords House. Life would've have been a lot easier and made a whole heck of a lot more sense had I been able to remember and carry that feeling with me. But by the time I was twenty and getting married...I guess it had faded. Since then though it has come back though and I even understand a little bit about the eternal importance.

I can't wait to have a family of my own! What an adventure and a blessing it will be! I just hope and pray I can do as well raising kids as my mom did. I'm kind of excited about adopting too just because we will get to take our baby to the Temple and have him sealed to us for time and eternity! I mean it would be awesome to be able to have our own children but what a perk to adopting, ya know. Not only that, but not everyone gets to take their baby into the temple with them. Basically an extra meeting with Heavenly Father that a lot of people don't get to have, I can't even imagine how cool it will be! And of course it will be in the Manti Temple. On our first date Allen and I talked about how we both loved the Manti Temple. The reason it was his favorite is because he grew up down there and that is where he recieved his endowment before his mission. The reason it was my favorite is because the first time I saw it it was a cloudy day, completely overcast, my dad had told me I could probably see it soon so I was looking. We came around a small hill and there it was, glowing, like a beacon. The clouds had parted just enough to have a beam of light exactly on it. I was in complete awe. That is when I just knew that was "My Temple". I almost expected angels to start singing. I guess they did in my head though. I love that Temple. I can't walk in there without feeling like I am walking into the arms of the Lord and he is giving me a big hug. Someday I would like to live a lot closer to that Temple. There is actually a house that sits right across from the Temple and has a huge picture window facing it. I have a dream to buy that house one day.

Funny but...not really

This morning Sam (my baby brother) and I were going to visit family together. He drove his patrol car to my house because he had to go to court later, and I was going to drive. Everything was lookin' good. Leaving a little early and everything.
I was backing out of our driveway when I either heard a clunk sound or felt a little jolt or maybe I saw the roof of his patrol car right outside the back window of the Expedition. Honestly I don't have any idea. I just remember something made me realize that the vehicles were exchanging paint. Not a good feeling. Then to see the look on his face when he realized what I had done...oh dear.
I just love my family though. I think for a couple seconds maybe minutes he was not happy, but then I heard him chuckle. That was a little bit of relief but not much, I still felt like a complete idiot, and for good reason. Ya know, it was small enough had it been his own car...eh...not a big deal. Of course that would be too simple, I had to hit the patrol car.
One cop showed up and was giving us a hard time then a lieutenant showed up but, hey, that wasn't enough, since Sam works for the city where it happened we had to get visited by another cop from a different city. Talk about embarrassing!
Poor Sam, though, when he goes to work I'm sure he'll catch a bunch of crap. They were already starting in the driveway while we were filling out papers. I don't fully understand it though because he sure wasn't the one behind the wheel.
Oh well...whaddayado? Just had to share. One of those times I really wonder where my mind was.

Every Kid Needs a Furry Little Friend

Last night while my little nephews were here they just couldn't leave the puppies alone! To give the dogs a bit of a break Allen got Chipper out. They didn't really know what to think of him. They thought he was really cute while in the cage but it took a bit to get "Sam Jr." to hold him, as you can tell from the "smile" he's sporting. lol Bubba LOVED Gun!! Talk about a Kodak Moment. Their neighbors have rabbits, gerbils, rats, a cat and a couple snakes (the rats' and gerbils' babies are food for the snake) but the kids love them. Sam Jr and Bubba all they could talk about was the neighbors' animals while chasing ours. It was pretty comical :-) I think when we have a baby (be it natural by us or by other parents) we're gonna have to get a puppy to grow up with our baby, probably a Lab.

I'm reading the prequel to "The Anatomy of Peace", I really should have read them in order, anyway, it's called "Leadership and Self-Deception" I really can't believe all the areas in life I have been deceived. But not just me, EVERYONE! You know those times that you get an idea to do something nice for someone, then you decide to not do it. This book explains how that is deceiving yourself because just after you make the decision to ignore the urge or inspiration you immediately start justifying to yourself why you ignored it. Then before you know it you usually end up having hard feelings toward the person you felt you needed to do something for, it's truly amazing. I still stand by the idea that "The Anatomy of Peace" was divinely inspired, I would also say that "Leadership and Self-Deception" is also. If you enjoy reading it's a really quick read, under 200 pgs and big print. It is also a good story.

I often wonder how much better off this country would be if the school system required kids to read these kind of books instead of the "great literature" they require. I for one know I got a heck of a a lot more out of these two books than I ever did out of say..."Grapes of Wrath" or "My Name Is Asher Lev". I'm not saying they were bad books but really I think life would be a lot easier if instead of learning about foreshadowing and symbolism from stories I would have learned about how to see people as people instead of seeing them as objects. I guess you would have to read the book to understand that.

I just love how freeing it is to learn more about myself! How I tick, why I feel the way I do, why I respond to things the way I do. Three or four years ago I thought I understood myself. I have learned from some REALLY AWESOME books (that I have been lead to by some pretty awesome people) that, indeed, I did understand myself and others better than most. But...not as well as I could have had some of these books been mandatory reading for school instead of "The Great Gatsby" and Edgar Alan Poe, poetry. I think had I been required to read helpful books I would have kept reading after I graduated, but in my eyes it was such a waste of time.

Both Allen and myself have been able to fall in love with one another all over again, learn to accept ourselves the way we are, and have a much better understanding of others which makes it so much easier to love people for who they are and where they are. I dare say though, that Allen has made so much more progress than myself! He's so inspiring! I am so blessed to have him as an eternal companion! (I hope he feels the same way about me. lol)