Post Adoption Training Thoughts

Sorry this is extremely long, and probably boring.

Allen and I went to a required adoption training meeting last night. The topic was how to maintain a relationship with the birth family after placement.
I've gotta tell ya I got very irritated with people while there. One of the specific topics was how open you are okay with the adoption being. I didn't count how many time they said or implied, "Decide, then stick with it."
I guess lately they have been having a problem with adoptive couples wanting a baby so bad that they will tell the birthmom whatever she wants to hear. Then after placement everything changes and the adoptive family doesn't follow through with the promises they made and change all the rules. I guess they don't really think about how that would make the birthmom feel...on top of trying to deal with the loss she feels after being attached to the baby for nine months.
Not just anyone would be strong enough to place their baby in order to give them a home with a mom and dad, knowing the pain it would cause themselves when the time came to say good-bye. I don't know if I could do it.
The way some birthmothers end up getting treated just made me cry for them. How could anyone dare hurt someone who sacrificed so greatly to give them something they ached for so badly?
On the up-side though they have birthparents who are very honest and clear all the way through the process and the relationships they have with the birthmoms are wonderful and healthy. With different levels of openess.
It all depends on what is comfortable for birth and adoptive parents. Some just send pictures when the birthmom wants some. Others send pictures and emails on a weekly, monthly, yearly, or whatever basis. Some talk on the phone, send emails and text messages everyday or more. Then there are even some that have the birthmothers and sometimes fathers come and stay in their home for visits.
I don't know if we would be comfortable with having birthparents come and visit for days and stay at our home. At the same time I don't think I would really like a completely closed adoption either.
Allen and I both want to have the birthmother at least know that the baby is happy, healthy, taken care of, and loved beyond measure. What better way to do that than (at least) send pictures with updates and stories about what they are doing. I guess this is all stuff that can be decided when the time comes. Heck, we may have another couple years of waiting ahead of us for that time. All in the Lord's time, just wish I knew when that time was going to be.
Before this training I had kind of forgotten about the whole adoption thing because of my stubborness trying to get pregnant (that might have something to do with losing hope that someone is going to chose us to be the adoptive parents of their baby). But then we went to this training and both of us remembered very quickly that, indeed, we did do all the hours of paperwork and paid the $1,000 just to start the hours of paperwork for a divine reason. We know there is a little spirit that is going to come to our family through adoption. Now once again we are anxiously awaiting that time.
Everyone there kept talking about how they adopted a daughter and their little girl and girl this and girl that. It really made me wonder if the Lord is trying to tell me to prepare for a girl. I'm actually okay with now since my sis-in-law told me about her friend who is going to place a baby girl. I've even called my mom and asked questions about raising a girl and what the differences are and yada yada.
I don't think Allen has much of a chance of giving me a girl. It seems he comes from a male dominant family and his dad does. Heck even both my parents, my mom had 5 brothers and 4 sisters (two of which are identical twins so only 1 of them count), and my dad had 6 brothers (one still born) and one sister. I think the odds are stacked against us, as far as having a girl. It may be that adoption is the only way for us to have a girl. lol