Employment Time

I dropped off an application today at Walkers (gas station). I'm not sure exactly why but I was in there the other day and saw the sign in the window. You know the gut feeling you get when your supposed to do something well...that's what I felt. But I'm pretty excited because I always said if I didn't HAVE to work and I could work anywhere I wanted, I would work at a gas station. It's not a fulfilling job but I really enjoy it. So many people! Some you like and others you duck into the cooler to hide from when they come in. Not that I ever did that before. Lol.
Anywho, so I think I'm gonna be working at a gas station soon. I'm kind of not wanting to but at the same time it'll be fun meeting new people and actually having friends again. Not only that, I'm sure I'll meet people looking for either a product or opportunity that Mona Vie offers. I love it! It will give Allen and I some playing money, get me out of the house, help me make new friends AND help us build our business. What a win-win situation! I never thought I would be excited to go back to work. Funny how things work out.

Easter Fun

On Easter the objective was to go on an Easter Egg hunt and gold prospecting at the same time. Our Easter Egg hunts involve guns, it's really fun! Those little eggs blow up sooo good just with .22 or .17. Skunk wasn't feeling too good so he slept on the way down. He really likes laying on the dashboard because it keeps him nice and cozy warm.
So we went down to Allen's parents' house where the group grew a little more than what was originally planned. It was just going to be Us and Allen's little Bro, wife and son. His parents and sister were planning on going out and collecting red rock or something. Dad had to go conduct or teach the lesson at church (he's in the prison bishopric) Anyway they (Mom and Kristine) decided to go with us, oh yeah and Allen's grandma came along too.
This is how it works. You set up the easter eggs, shoot 'em and watch them explode. Pretty simple and straight forward. After an afternoon of shooting and tailgate lunch party we decided it was time to go back to the house because Allen's dad would be getting home.
Then he wanted to go do something so we decided to go explore this rock canyon they had gone gold prospecting in a while ago.






They had found a camp where someone was actually living so they decided they should probably not spend too much time there.
Whoever it was though had moved out by the time we went exploring.
At the mouth of this little canyon there is a dinosaur head in the rocks kind of cool I thought.
Anyway Keith's wife decided to stay home because it had been a pretty long day for her since she is prego and due May 20 something.


There was some pretty fun rocks to climb over here. I apologize I get a little snap happy, but I wanted to share a few of my pictures. Allen and his Dad had fun helping his nephew (who is afraid of heights) up some of the rocks. And Allen is a flippin' mtn goat so I had to take a picture of him on top of this rock that was totally unnecessary for him to climb up. Then there is a picture of everyone climbing down the last rock pile on our way out.
It was a lot of fun, but it is always fun when we go exploring. The dogs even had a blast they had to get a little bit of help going up some of the rocks but they actually went a lot more places than we thought was possible.

Prayer

I just received this in an email:

"Prayer is a privilege and the soul's sincere desire. We can move beyond routine and 'checklist' prayers and engage in meaningful prayer as we appropriately ask in faith and act, as we patiently persevere through the trial of our faith, and as we humbly acknowledge and accept 'not my will, but Thine, be done.' "I witness the reality and divinity of our Eternal Father, of His Only Begotten Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, and of the Holy Ghost. I testify that our Father hears and answers our prayers. May each of us strive with greater resolve to ask in faith and thereby make our prayers truly meaningful." David A. Bednar, "Ask in Faith," Ensign, May 2008, 97

I remember as a little girl my mom would always tell us to say our prayers before bed. It seems like one week sometime I had been told when praying I need to imagine that I am kneeling at Heavenly Fathers feet talking to him, like I would talk to my Earthly father. So I did, in my mind I saw myself kneeling at his feet with my arms resting on his lap then started to pray. This was the first time I knew without a doubt that my Heavenly Father is there and he does listen to our prayers. I felt like I was floating, and everything was peaceful, I was calm on the inside. I had to peak really quick to make sure my bed was still there but when I finished my prayer, I remember not wanting to open my eyes because I didn't want the feeling to go away. The next night I told my mom about it and asked her to say prayers with me, I wanted her to feel what I did. To my dismay it didn't work. :( I asked her why it was different this time. I think, I'm not completely sure, but I think she explained how sometimes when people pray their hearts and minds are open to Heavenly Father more than other times so it's easier for Him to communicate with us and to let us know he's there.
It took this email to help me remember this experience but while thinking about it I am very ashamed that I have not had more experiences like this, especially knowing it's my choice to get these spiritual hugs from Heavenly Father (or not). He's willing to give them at anytime. We just have to ask. And they feel so good!!!

Parsley Tea and DCI

No real big Ooo La La thing but just a real quick update. This is only the 3rd day taking DCI and all day yesterday and not yet today have I had a sweet or carb craving!!! Something is happening, because I don't remember the last time that I didn't want sweets. I think before I could've eaten them ALL day (no joke) and still wanted more, it would've given me a humogenous headache but I still would've wanted them. And my appetite seems to be normalizing...I eat and it takes a few hours before I want to eat again.
As far as the parsley tea...eh...don't think it's doin' it's thing. A few little cramps but no sign of aunt flo. Which is okay I guess. If the DCI normalizes things...eventually she'll come knockin'. But oh man, it's so nice not having a constant nagging craving for anything sweet (sometimes bad enough it would feel like I would die if I didn't get some. Oh-oh-oh, it did do one thing for me, it helped me lose 3 lbs in the last 3 days because it's a diuretic and helps cleanse the body. Today is my last day to drink it then all that will come back because I am thirsty!
Pretty exciting about the DCI though, me thinks. I just hope it does everything they claim is possible.

Got Tagged

I'm a bit slow, but I got'r done. My cousin tagged me a couple months ago and I just now figured it out. But here it is the 4th picture out of my 4th picture file.It's from a few years ago...probably five or six years. We were celebrating Ben and Allen's birthdays, they are only three days apart. Ben was a bit irritated because I have a tendency to get a bit snap happy.

Now for the tagging 4 other people...I only have three that follow this blog...and one of them tagged me so I guess if it's not breaking the rules I'm only gonna tag two people Camie and Carrie. :)

What??? PCOS???.....again

Kind of funny little story. Today was my appt with an Endocrinologist that specializes in diabetes. Dr Purser had recommended me go to her because he thought I might have Mature Onset Diabetes in Youth (MODY). Well, evidently the levels of Leutenizing Hormone (LH) and Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) don't need to be flipped to have PCOS just the symptoms, which I have most of them. And MODY people are skinny...yeh, definately not me.
She wanted me to start some thing that I would have to inject myself with twice a day and the insurance wouldn't cover it. Psha! Like we're made of money! So her options were pretty much not likely an option for us. I'd much rather go natural anyway. Oh, and she told me I have Metabolic Syndrome. Hmm. I already suspected because when I was looking up MODY I found Metabolic Syndrome and I thought it fit better.
So long story short--going to the endocrinologist did not change our plan at all. Actually, at one point she flat out said, "Really, your only problem is your insulin." So if the DCI (d-chiro-inositol) works like it has for so many...it's baby makin' time baby!!! I think we will keep using the clomid, too. Might as well, as far as I'm concerned I paid for it...I'm gonna use it.
Strange thing was, when we left her office I felt the same way I have when we have left other Dr's offices when they have just told us, I can't do anything else for you; good luck--so low and discouraged. I don't know why exactly, maybe just out of habit. But it only lasted for a while, then I got thinking about the DCI and everything I had read about that and once again my faith in the DCI returned. I really hope I'm not getting my hopes up for nothing but I have to say...they are soooooo high right now! And for some reason I'm not really afraid to have them this high, hopefully comfort from a higher power. Kind of feels that way.
So after my visit with this doc today here's the plan....I took DCI (1200 mg) just like in the studies that proved promising and I started drinking Parsley Tea. Parsley Tea, you say? Yeah, let me explain that one. Since I found DCI I've also been reading a PCOS forum (soulcysters; barely joined today because I found out I was for sure one of them) and on this forum they claim by drinking Parsley Tea it will cause me to have a period. As my infertile friends know, you're supposed to have a period to tell you when to take Clomid (in most cases). So when (or if) I start a period then I will be taking Clomid on days 3-7 and EVERY day I will be taking 1200 mg of DCI. Also, just to help, Allen is taking Male Reproductive Factors (Michaels brand) and a really good multi-vitamin and I think he may be taking Zinc, too. Not sure on that, don't want him to think I am coaching him on what he needs to do to become a daddy.
Heck, if this don't work......I'm really wonderin' where in the world I would go next. Maybe by then we'll be picked by a birthmom through LDSFS. Prayer, Hope, Faith, guess that's what I'll be depending on for a while.

Woo-hoo!

I'm so stinkin' excited!!!

My husband is the best ever!!!

For hours I have been looking at everything I could find on d-chiro-inositol and EVERYthing that I read was positive. Not one negative thing found. I just hope it can work a "miracle" in my body like others have said happened with them. :) Anyway when Allen got home I asked him if we could do a WAY no-no and use the credit card to order some.......he said, "Yeh, we probably should." Oh, and while I was showing him the website, I found kind of a guarantee. It said if with in 6-8 weeks of taking it, if I don't feel like it is benefiting me I can return what's left and get a full refund, which is a lot. How freakin' cool is that!?! Ya know, even if we don't get pregnant if it does help the insulin resistance and my body starts using my insulin then it will totally be worth it because I will be able to avoid getting Type 2 Diabetes. How cool would that be! :) As it sits right now I've been told basically it's just a matter of time and I will be insulin dependant because my pancreas is working over time and will burn out eventually. Oh my gosh, I'm so stinkin' excited and feel giddy. Also it will help with my artery health and make it possible for me to lower my LDL (bad cholesterol, it's not way high but was on it's way up) and even lose weight! Can I hear a WOOT WOOT!!! I just don't see how I can lose! It doesn't do for me what it's done for others-I get a full refund, no worse off than where I started. It does do for me what it's done for others-I will be a lot healthier and probably live longer (and maybe even be able to multiply and replenish the Earth)! :)

And Yet Another Possibility...

I've taken the first round of clomid and nothing! According to the pee sticks I have NOT ovulated nor am I going to in the week that it's supposed to happen (although according to the Ovulation Scope it's imminent, haha). I'm not really surprised.
The sense of needing to find something else has been on my mind for a couple days. So I sat down at the computer and decided to find the injection fertility drug. Well I did find it and didn't feel like that's what I was looking for. So I sat and stared at the computer just wondering...what else could it be that I am looking for? Then I had a thought, Dr Purser had run blood tests for all of my hormones, the ONLY one that wasn't normal was my insulin. So I decided to Google "affects of high insulin on ovulation". Well, I found out that ovulation will not happen if you have really high insulin, mine was very high. So then I started to look at different ways to lower insulin levels and I came upon a website www.chiralbalance.com they have this stuff called d-chiro-inositol that has been proven to make the body use insulin. They did a double blind study (actually a Virginia Medical School, I believe) and they took 44 women with PCOS, which I don't have but I have the hyperinsulinemia which is the symptom they were testing. Well, out of the 22 that took the placebo only 2 out of the 22 ovulated. But out of the 22 that took the d-chiro-inositol 19 of them ovulated!!! The numbers are phenomenal! Yay!!! And the best part is......it's completely natural, it's found in fruits and veges. Maybe it won't help alone and obviously the clomid doesn't do it, but maybe if I put them together they will work synergistically and I will actually ovulate and...... :)
Maybe this won't work either but...aw heck...I just have to try it! How cool is the Lord! Even if this doesn't work either...obviously I'm not supposed to give up I just hope he keeps giving me something to try and to keep hope in me. After 10 years of ttc I've just never completely lost the hope that there is a way. Maybe I'm just stubborn but I think it's because the Lord will bless Allen and I with the ability to "multiply and replenish the earth" at some time, if I don't give up.
To be completely honest, I have a time or two (or ten) but with in a couple days of declaring that I give up, the thought comes back to me, "There's just GOT to be a way! I just have to find it."
Guess we'll see. I have to save the money first it's gonna be like $90 for a one month supply. But where there's a will...we all know there's a way.

Confession Time...

Okay, so I did it! I bought the clomid. I just couldn't stop thinking that I probably wouldn't regret doing it but I would regret not doing it because I would always wonder what if...
It'll probably do nothing but that won't be any different than what my body is doing now--which is nothing. I couldn't stop thinking about it and I prayed about it and didn't get a don't do it, actually the phrase that popped into my mind was "I have to do EVERYTHING I can (including this) and the Lord will make up the difference". So a few days later of this going through my mind over and over...I did it.

What Happened to Spring? :(

Man o man did Mother Nature fake us out! I almost got upset then realized it was actually a blessing for the rain/snow. The Lord gave us those few really nice days, and for once Allen and I did something productive with the blessing and got the garden all prepped: fertilizer, maneur, and even some out dated bottled fruits and veges. Tilled 'em all in and now the water will help get all that leaking good stuff into the soil for our yummy garden!!! And not only that I had just been thinking it's about time to start watering the lawn, but now that can wait for a time.

Y'all probably think I'm a bit strange because of the stuff I put on our blog (and that's perfectly fine because I've never thought of myself as "normal") it wasn't planned to be this way but somehow it turned into a journal, closest thing to a journal I have anyway.

When we started it the idea was to give any potential birthmothers a little bit of an insight to us and our lives on a little bit more personal level than the profile at LDSFS. It seems though, that it has evolved into a way to vent and by doing so actually let people into my thoughts and feelings. Now that I'm really thinking about it...that may stop, that's not a place I let very many people into, or hadn't until now. Eh, who knows. Feelis kinda good to put it out there.

I feel this summer is going to be awesome!!! Last summer was fun but I didn't get much accomplished that I wanted to. Last Summer we had foster kids living with us, they were extremely demanding! Poor kids didn't know how to entertain themselves with a pool, trampoline, swings, sandbox and even dogs. I couldn't go to the bathroom without one of them being at the door wanting something. It was so strange because the way I remember my childhood, when I was six and seven the sandbox entertained us for hours and hours (mom had to call us in the house in the heat of the day (she probably remembers it differently though). I understand that the environment they came from they didn't develope much of an imagination, but Allen and I both played in the sandbox with them taught them how to build sand castles and dig tunnels and make small cities for the toys we had out there. That's not the point though, the point is this summer I have half the week all to myself to do whatever I want in the yard because Allen works. I might keep up on the weeding in the flower beds AND in the garden, and heck, I might even fix the holes in the lawn where our four legged friends think it's a good idea to dig for who knows what reason (what a pain in the rear!).

I think I might even make it a point to attend family reunions. For years I have felt awkward and very uncomfortable around people (especially family), but since reading a bunch of books and getting to know myself I've discovered that I'm worth knowing!!! Basic stuff, I know. The one book that finally sank that deep into my skull though was "Anatomy of Peace". It helped me discover that it's not that I feel like others don't like me, it's because when the critical moment came that I have to make the choice to enter a box or keep my heart at peace...I usually chose to enter my box and justify, justify, justify. To completely understand that statement you would have to read the book. Simply put (I think) I had a heart at war (with myself) most of the time because I chose to stay a wall-flower and silent rather than be true to myself. I would like to explain better but...read the book! It is awe inspiring!!! Actually, it's about time for me to read it again because the concepts are fading in my mind.

So now you probably think, not just a bit strange...completely weird! That's okay though I've even had a Doctor tell me I'm weird, so it's not just you, it's been an actual diagnosis. :)

I love life and all the twists and turns that it takes!!! Last night Allen and I decided starting next Tuesday, every Tuesday morning we are going to start going to the Temple!!! I'm so excited and a little confused at myself because the past 2 or 3 weeks it's been me that has decided not to go to church. But honestly, I can't wait to go to the Temple! It's been a year I think since we've been. That I know is very pathetic since the Mt Timpanogos Temple is within walking distance but I guess everyone starts right where they're at, and this is where we are at this point.

Wow! That was a LOT of rambling! And if you made it this far, I'm really sorry, but I feel better. :p

One last thought (turned into two). I got this out of a book that I read a while ago and a little before I found the clomid online this would've been a great help because of the "Why is God doing this to me?" attitude I was stuck in. Without further adieu:

“Many times when we experience what we think is a shattered dream, God is in reality interrupting our plans to…develop our character our understanding of who He is in order to prepare us for what He has in store. The desert is not always welcomed, but it is always profitable. He doesn‘t take us into the wilderness to see if we have what it takes. He leads us into the wilderness to reveal to us what is truly in our hearts.”
Sharon Jaynes
Dreams of a Woman

(another book I would recommend)

One day, I believe, Heavenly Father will bless us with a little one. This was just a cute picture from our trip to Yellowstone (last May/June) I wanted to share. I don't think I would want a minnie-me following me around but I could go for a minnie-Allen. :) Notice the mother is sticking her tongue out...is that nature's way of saying, "I have a baby and you DON'T?" Just kidding, I don't really think that (anymore). ;)