What Happened to Spring? :(

Man o man did Mother Nature fake us out! I almost got upset then realized it was actually a blessing for the rain/snow. The Lord gave us those few really nice days, and for once Allen and I did something productive with the blessing and got the garden all prepped: fertilizer, maneur, and even some out dated bottled fruits and veges. Tilled 'em all in and now the water will help get all that leaking good stuff into the soil for our yummy garden!!! And not only that I had just been thinking it's about time to start watering the lawn, but now that can wait for a time.

Y'all probably think I'm a bit strange because of the stuff I put on our blog (and that's perfectly fine because I've never thought of myself as "normal") it wasn't planned to be this way but somehow it turned into a journal, closest thing to a journal I have anyway.

When we started it the idea was to give any potential birthmothers a little bit of an insight to us and our lives on a little bit more personal level than the profile at LDSFS. It seems though, that it has evolved into a way to vent and by doing so actually let people into my thoughts and feelings. Now that I'm really thinking about it...that may stop, that's not a place I let very many people into, or hadn't until now. Eh, who knows. Feelis kinda good to put it out there.

I feel this summer is going to be awesome!!! Last summer was fun but I didn't get much accomplished that I wanted to. Last Summer we had foster kids living with us, they were extremely demanding! Poor kids didn't know how to entertain themselves with a pool, trampoline, swings, sandbox and even dogs. I couldn't go to the bathroom without one of them being at the door wanting something. It was so strange because the way I remember my childhood, when I was six and seven the sandbox entertained us for hours and hours (mom had to call us in the house in the heat of the day (she probably remembers it differently though). I understand that the environment they came from they didn't develope much of an imagination, but Allen and I both played in the sandbox with them taught them how to build sand castles and dig tunnels and make small cities for the toys we had out there. That's not the point though, the point is this summer I have half the week all to myself to do whatever I want in the yard because Allen works. I might keep up on the weeding in the flower beds AND in the garden, and heck, I might even fix the holes in the lawn where our four legged friends think it's a good idea to dig for who knows what reason (what a pain in the rear!).

I think I might even make it a point to attend family reunions. For years I have felt awkward and very uncomfortable around people (especially family), but since reading a bunch of books and getting to know myself I've discovered that I'm worth knowing!!! Basic stuff, I know. The one book that finally sank that deep into my skull though was "Anatomy of Peace". It helped me discover that it's not that I feel like others don't like me, it's because when the critical moment came that I have to make the choice to enter a box or keep my heart at peace...I usually chose to enter my box and justify, justify, justify. To completely understand that statement you would have to read the book. Simply put (I think) I had a heart at war (with myself) most of the time because I chose to stay a wall-flower and silent rather than be true to myself. I would like to explain better but...read the book! It is awe inspiring!!! Actually, it's about time for me to read it again because the concepts are fading in my mind.

So now you probably think, not just a bit strange...completely weird! That's okay though I've even had a Doctor tell me I'm weird, so it's not just you, it's been an actual diagnosis. :)

I love life and all the twists and turns that it takes!!! Last night Allen and I decided starting next Tuesday, every Tuesday morning we are going to start going to the Temple!!! I'm so excited and a little confused at myself because the past 2 or 3 weeks it's been me that has decided not to go to church. But honestly, I can't wait to go to the Temple! It's been a year I think since we've been. That I know is very pathetic since the Mt Timpanogos Temple is within walking distance but I guess everyone starts right where they're at, and this is where we are at this point.

Wow! That was a LOT of rambling! And if you made it this far, I'm really sorry, but I feel better. :p

One last thought (turned into two). I got this out of a book that I read a while ago and a little before I found the clomid online this would've been a great help because of the "Why is God doing this to me?" attitude I was stuck in. Without further adieu:

“Many times when we experience what we think is a shattered dream, God is in reality interrupting our plans to…develop our character our understanding of who He is in order to prepare us for what He has in store. The desert is not always welcomed, but it is always profitable. He doesn‘t take us into the wilderness to see if we have what it takes. He leads us into the wilderness to reveal to us what is truly in our hearts.”
Sharon Jaynes
Dreams of a Woman

(another book I would recommend)

One day, I believe, Heavenly Father will bless us with a little one. This was just a cute picture from our trip to Yellowstone (last May/June) I wanted to share. I don't think I would want a minnie-me following me around but I could go for a minnie-Allen. :) Notice the mother is sticking her tongue out...is that nature's way of saying, "I have a baby and you DON'T?" Just kidding, I don't really think that (anymore). ;)