Okay, so the first part just turned into a story, what I'm wanting opinions on is at the bottom.
Tomorrow is my 31st birthday. There hasn't been a birthday that has really hit me and all of a sudden I feel old and feel like I have accomplished nothing. But I'm kind of wondering if this will be it. Hmmm, can't wait to find out. I think the reason I feel this might be the one is the past few weeks I've been thinking about poor pitiful me. I'm over 30 and I have no family, just a bunch of dogs. Yeh, their my babies but really--just pets. My older brother has a 13 or 14 year old (I know I suck cuz I don't know for sure and I should) and his youngest is four or five. My baby brother has a 6 or 7 year old and his youngest is 1 almost 2 (I think). So by the time I start a family everyone else's kids will be grown and leaving the nest. Okay, Loren and Wendy might be starting a family in about the same time but they live in Oregon!
So I guess it's not turning 31 that has me bummed but I'm behind on the "plans" I had for my life by a full decade!!! I was going to get married Dec. 17, 1998 and start having kids in 1999 or 2000. Don't know where in the world the date came from but that was the date I picked in the 10th grade. I could've been married then but Allen and I were both too shy to speak up. He kind of asked and I wasn't sure if he was serious (later found out he was) so all I said was, "Oh". Anyway, so here it is 2009 and I realize even if I would've gotten married when I had it "planned" I would still be barren and have a bunch of dogs.
I don't know, when you weigh out the pros and cons having kids and not having kids are really about equal...if you don't count the emotional stuff. But if you count the emotional stuff...we all know what would win every blasted time!
Situation:
I found clomid online that I can order and it would only cost like $55 for enough for 3 cycles of it. Drs have prescribed it before but I've only tried it twice, it was the lowest dose possible and it was years ago! I'm really very tempted to order it at a higher dosage and see if it would work. That would be soooo much cheaper!! Not having to pay copays and full price for the prescription because insurance doesn't cover any of it and who knows how many times I would have to see the Dr so it would save TONS of time too!!!
Very tempted...I mean the worst that could happen is my overies would end up over stimulated and I could possibly never have kids (LOL!) not anything new. Or on the other hand...I could get pregnant and have mine and Allen's childhood dream come true!
I would really like some feed back. I can't decide what to do. Maybe that could be my birthday present to myself.....hmmm......what to do, what to do?
The Beginning
Turned out pretty good for starting as a blind date, set up by Grandma, on Halloween night. Happily married...most of the time. Hehe
What We Know
There is no other way back home except His way. Click on picture to get directions back home.
Skunk
What a cute stinker.
Rio
Love this lil dude!
3 comments:
Ok, so, first off. i came to your blog today to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I remembered even w/ out you saying it! I don't know why, but certian dates have always stuck w/ me, you b-day being one of them.
next of all, believe me, I TRULY know what you mean by feeling behind in the game of life! oh, how i REALLY know. i wanted to be a young mom, i should have a ten year old by now! this is not how i planned it, what happened here? i have said SO many times that the biggest challenge for me in this infertility world and wanting children has been the feeling of NOT BEING IN CONTROL OF MY OWN DESTINY. i have friends, family members, co-workers(at one time) that if they wanted to have a baby by next summer they just planned for it, and it happened. even now i feel EXTEMELY frustrated over the fact that i would like more children. it took me 8 1/2 years to get these ones and i am not getting any younger here! i had in my mind even as a little girl that i would have three kids. well, i guess i don't get to control that the way some people do. o well. (but not really) don't get me wrong here, i am of course over joyed and blessed with the ones i have!!! it's just the not being in control myself. does this make an ounce of sence? maybe i better shhhhh!
as far as the clomed thing...hmmm, tough call!! (i did six months of it once) i say do it girl!!! i am just a little worried about the on line one being a little sketchy. you know, how do you know what you are REALLY getting? can it be 100% trusted?? is it real or are they charging you for a sugar pill? i am sure you have already researched it all out, but that's the thing i would worry about. i want your dream to come true! so i would say give the clomed another shot. either w/ the doc. or on line. as long as you feel it is 100% safe!!
sorry so long, you know me, i'm sorta a talker!
First off... HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Sorry it's a day late. You were preaching to the choir about the timeline stuff. As for the clomid let me ask you a few questions. 1) What do you feel when you pray about it? 2) Do you and Allen have the same feeling about it? 3) have you verified the ligitamacy of the company selling it?
I wouldn't blame you a bit if you tried! Owen and I really needed to do fertility treatments to help us feel 100% about adoption (Not that this is what will happen for you mind.) and if you both feel really positive about trying, do it then go for it! I have a few other things to say but I'll email with them if you want to hear. Have a great day! And feliz coumpleanos!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
What a tough call!! I would worry about buying it online.. same concerns as everyone else, how do you know it is actually what you are paying for, what if it has something in it that isn't supposed to be there etc. I guess you could say I feel that, although it would be expensive, I would feel better about it if you were under a doctors care. My uncle actually started buying prescriptions online and he got to a point his wife was literally waiting for him to die etc. SCARY! Have I told you about Danica's doctor? She is really amazing and sweet and she takes a personal interest in her patients... I dunno, but if you would like to check her out give me a call and I will get her info to you. I am so heartbroken for you! But having kids later than everyone else isn't that bad, after all I had kids BEFORE anyone else! hehe Cory and Britt have NO cousins the same age and I used to stress about it (BIG TIME) but Heavenly Father works in his own way and time. Danica talks all the time about being an "old" mom but I have to say having come from the opposite situation, she definitely has more patience and deals with things much better than I did and having cousins farther apart has given my kids a chance to have a little bit of a spotlight in grandma and grandpas lives (at least for a little while anyways hehe). Age isn't always a bad thing when it comes to being a mom either! More patience, more life experience, better relationship with your hubby etc. I dunno.. I am kinda rambling (which I do alot) but I have been thinking of you ALOT and wish that there was a simple easy solution! Whatever you decide... please be careful with yourself!! I love you and don't want anything bad to happen to you!
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