Happy 10th Anniversary Baby!

Today is the 10th anniversary of Allen and I getting sealed for time and eternity. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago.
We were sealed in the Manti Temple. I was so nervous! But after having my recommend checked at the desk and walking around the corner to where I could see down the long hallway...I was even more nervous! There were what appeared to be angels lining the hallway on both sides. Not like shoulder to shoulder but it seemed like every 10 ft or so there was one. I realize they were just the temple workers but it gave me chills. I'll never forget the feeling. I still can't walk into that Temple and not get chills, I guess every Temple should make me feel that way but they don't. Just Manti Temple, it's kind of like when I walk in there...I'm coming home after a long stint of being gone and Heavenly Father is giving me a big hug.
Going through the Temple and being sealed for time and all eternity didn't fix our problems. We've had ups and major downs, but we have got through them somehow. I know without the Lord's help we would not be together now. There were just too many "coinsidences" that had to happen, and did happen, to bring us back together.
I can't wait to spend eternity with this man! I would be lost without him. When I look in his eyes I can't help but fall in love with him all over again. He's so kind and gentle but at the same time so big and strong. I'm not just talking physical, but emotionally and spiritually too. There is no better man for me in this world or any other. I am so thankful for him!

Interpretation Anyone?

K-so, this is going to sound a little weird but I went to my best friends house Saturday for dinner and to try my hand at painting with acrylic paints. This is the picture that ended up coming from my paintbrush.

You may think I'm a geek but my friend told me what she saw in it, now I would really like to know what it makes other people think of.

So Many Things to be Thankful For

Hmmmm.......Where to start???

I guess I'll start with my favoritest man in the world! Isn't he handsome?

I am so Thankful that Heavenly Father brought us together! Without him life would be kind of meaningless. There is no better match for me in all the universe. He really deserves to be a daddy. But because he is such an phenomenal man I'm sure Heavenly Father will bless him with that priviledge.

Next is Family:

My family is so awesome! Love' em. Gosh, without any one of them I wouldn't be who I am today. Sorry about the VERY outdated picture, not to mention it's not very good. It's all I could find. There are 5  additions since this picture, 4 kids and 1 wife.

Allen's family is fantabulous too! Love 'em. They are so much fun, always on the move. Without them my prince charming/knight in shining armor wouldn't be who he is. This pictures a bit better. Not quite as old but still outdated. Missing 1 kid and 1 wife.

Can't forget the furbabies:

Tank and Skunk what a couple of turds. So dang cute though! Look how good they share. Life around here just wouldn't be the same without them. I guess you would have to be a dog person to understand.

Meow-meow (picture would be here but computer is wigging out so I'll have to add one later.) We lucked out on having a cat. She is such a good kitty. When I'm sick she sits with me, and lays with me at night. It's so fun to watch her "play" with the dogs. She acts really mad but she always comes back for more...silly kitty.

Besides the people (and furbabies) in our lives we are both very Thankful for the Gospel and the peace it brings into our lives. No matter what is going on or what trials we are working through, we know that things will work out because Heavenly Father loves us and wants only the best for us. And if we do what we are supposed to do, he will reward us with the best. (Evidently he doesn't believe in socialism either, lol)

We are Thankful for the scriptures ancient and modern day. How would we know what direction to go without them? How would we know what is expected?

We are Thankful for the Priesthood and that Heavenly Father trusts man with such a powerful tool.

Short 'n' Sweet...To the Point

Here's the dealio:

YOUR INVITED!
to: pray and fast
when: Nov 22, this Sunday
for: an adoption to go through

Explanation:
We have a potential birthmother. She very recently found out she is pregnant and wants to place it in a good and loving home. Through "coincidences" she has got our phone numbers and we are just hoping and praying that she will call us, we will be able to meet her and she will choose to place her baby with us. Allen and I feel pretty good about it. Not that that really says anything because who know this just maybe a learning experience...we're just hoping it turns into a life-long learning experience.

At first Allen and I wanted to keep it hush-hush just in case it didn't work out, at least until it was a for sure thing (like a month or two before the due date). Then we decided our families would want to know so they could offer support even if it doesn't work out the way WE want it to. So might I be so bold as to thank you in advance! Love you all! And thank you for your support thus far!

Adoption Journey

My thoughts have been on adoption the past month or so a LOT. I've really been wondering if and when. Our profile was approved like a year ago and we are still waiting for someone to contact us to tell us that we are even on soft-hold, meaning a birthmom has narrowed it down to a just a few and we are one of them. Hasn't happened.
Because it seems like it has been soooo long waiting for that and the fact I found DCI, which I still consider my "magic pill". I gave up on adoption and decided (God willing) to try and get pregnant again, that hasn't happened yet either.
Thanks to my Sis-in-law's friend it got the whole idea of adoption running through my head again. When Allen and I first decided that adoption was the way we were supposed to build our family it was Jan of 2008. We both felt strongly that is what we were supposed to do. We got the paperwork turned in and the letter and pictures approved then somewhere along the way we stopped. A few months later we were informed we had to go online and finish a profile online because they weren't doing the paper thing anymore. So we started that and soon quit, again, don't know why. Then a couple months later we got a call from our new caseworker and she told us to get in gear and get it done because they were changing websites and if it wasn't completed it would be deleted and we would have to start over again. So we finally got it done and approved and published online. The problem then was the website wasn't going live yet because they were still working on it. That was pretty frustrating. I guess it's okay though, because if we ever are able to find our babies and adopt them it will all be worth it, all the headache, irritation, and frustration.
I am really excited though because after the training we went on to make sure our profile was still current and we hadn't changed our minds about anything and we found out that we can now see how many times our profile has been viewed; it's been viewed almost 400 times! None of them have contacted us obviously but at least we know that we are having some traffic. The way we see it is every view gets us one closer to the right one.
I know this sounds a bit corny but could y'all throw a few words heavenward for us that our journey to parenthood will come to an end soon, and of course some for the birthmom that is looking for us. She's gotta be out there...somewhere.

Post Adoption Training Thoughts

Sorry this is extremely long, and probably boring.

Allen and I went to a required adoption training meeting last night. The topic was how to maintain a relationship with the birth family after placement.
I've gotta tell ya I got very irritated with people while there. One of the specific topics was how open you are okay with the adoption being. I didn't count how many time they said or implied, "Decide, then stick with it."
I guess lately they have been having a problem with adoptive couples wanting a baby so bad that they will tell the birthmom whatever she wants to hear. Then after placement everything changes and the adoptive family doesn't follow through with the promises they made and change all the rules. I guess they don't really think about how that would make the birthmom feel...on top of trying to deal with the loss she feels after being attached to the baby for nine months.
Not just anyone would be strong enough to place their baby in order to give them a home with a mom and dad, knowing the pain it would cause themselves when the time came to say good-bye. I don't know if I could do it.
The way some birthmothers end up getting treated just made me cry for them. How could anyone dare hurt someone who sacrificed so greatly to give them something they ached for so badly?
On the up-side though they have birthparents who are very honest and clear all the way through the process and the relationships they have with the birthmoms are wonderful and healthy. With different levels of openess.
It all depends on what is comfortable for birth and adoptive parents. Some just send pictures when the birthmom wants some. Others send pictures and emails on a weekly, monthly, yearly, or whatever basis. Some talk on the phone, send emails and text messages everyday or more. Then there are even some that have the birthmothers and sometimes fathers come and stay in their home for visits.
I don't know if we would be comfortable with having birthparents come and visit for days and stay at our home. At the same time I don't think I would really like a completely closed adoption either.
Allen and I both want to have the birthmother at least know that the baby is happy, healthy, taken care of, and loved beyond measure. What better way to do that than (at least) send pictures with updates and stories about what they are doing. I guess this is all stuff that can be decided when the time comes. Heck, we may have another couple years of waiting ahead of us for that time. All in the Lord's time, just wish I knew when that time was going to be.
Before this training I had kind of forgotten about the whole adoption thing because of my stubborness trying to get pregnant (that might have something to do with losing hope that someone is going to chose us to be the adoptive parents of their baby). But then we went to this training and both of us remembered very quickly that, indeed, we did do all the hours of paperwork and paid the $1,000 just to start the hours of paperwork for a divine reason. We know there is a little spirit that is going to come to our family through adoption. Now once again we are anxiously awaiting that time.
Everyone there kept talking about how they adopted a daughter and their little girl and girl this and girl that. It really made me wonder if the Lord is trying to tell me to prepare for a girl. I'm actually okay with now since my sis-in-law told me about her friend who is going to place a baby girl. I've even called my mom and asked questions about raising a girl and what the differences are and yada yada.
I don't think Allen has much of a chance of giving me a girl. It seems he comes from a male dominant family and his dad does. Heck even both my parents, my mom had 5 brothers and 4 sisters (two of which are identical twins so only 1 of them count), and my dad had 6 brothers (one still born) and one sister. I think the odds are stacked against us, as far as having a girl. It may be that adoption is the only way for us to have a girl. lol

Early Thanksgiving

Last night my family got together and had an early Thanksgiving dinner. It was a ton of fun! My nieces and nephews are so stinkin' cute, just love'em! My oldest nephew is going to be 16 in Jan...can't believe it! Where has the time gone??? My oldest niece is going to be 13 on Fri...why does it seem like I'm getting old?
Looking at these things, it all makes me wonder again...am I too old be starting a family? Should we really be trying to get me preg? But then again, I have friends on SoulCysters that are 40 and some a bit older trying to get preg. But then again, I know we aren't supposed to look at others and compare our situations and everything to where we are and what we are doing. I know, I know, put it in the Lord's hands and trust that he knows what's best for us.
I don't know if I have shared this poem on this blog or not, but it just came to me and so I'm going to share it.

Broken Dreams
Just as my child brings his broken toys
with tears for me to mend,
I took my broken dreams to God
because he was my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried,
“How could you be so slow?”
“What could I do, my child,” He said,
“You never would let go.”
- Faith Mitchner -

Anywho back to Thanksgiving...Allen works EVERY Thanksgiving so that's why we get together before sometime. He has worked every Thanksgiving since 2001 or 2, and the one before that I worked so it's been almost our entire marriage since we have got to celebrate Thanksgiving with the rest of the country. Oh well, at least this way we get to have Thanksgiving with my entire family and don't have to share them with their in-laws. lol

I love my family, they are so much fun to visit with! So glad my brother's picked the wives they did. I just wish Loren and Wendy didn't live so far away...and Ben is really sick right now so he didn't make it this time...oh well.

Next month we are having a family Christmas party on the 14th. Loren and Wendy are flying in and hopefully Ben will be able to make it...then the WHOLE family will be there! :)

I'm so thankful for such an awesome family!

Not This One I'm Afraid

So since I found out about this Mom looking to place her baby, Allen and I have talked about it and thought about it. We both feel the same way and have since we first heard about it...this just isn't the one. I
I guess we could be wrong, we have been wrong about a LOT of things. We both feel like if this was going to happen though, that we would've had some confirmation. I'm not talking angels singing or anything but you know, just a flutter in the stomach or an excitement. But there has been nothing.
I'm not saying if it was offered that we wouldn't be all over it, cuz we so would. Before this I had never thought I would like a girl, I even talked to Allen about it and told him I did NOT want a girl and if a birth-mother picked us and it was a girl I would want to say no. That sounds stupid I know but if you know me you probably understand. Growing up with 4 brothers, rough and tough brothers, I learned to deal with males. I never had many friends whom were girls, and most of the few I had...ended up were of the lesbian persuasion. That's funny though because a lot of the guys I was friends with...gay.
Anywho, my point is, I really doubted my ability to be a good mother to a girl. I don't relate to most females too well. I'm not into cutesy stuff: princesses, pink, ribbons and bows, cheeleading, make-up, giggling and acting stupid to make guys feel smarter. Just not me. The only thing feminine about me I think is I have a sparkle obsession.
Then this idea of the possibility of being able to adopt a girl...it's made me think. A LOT! I've decided I do want a daughter. It would be fun to buy frilly little dresses and cute little shiny shoes, to do thier hair, and to buy dress up stuff (you know the fake make-up and jewlry, hats, dresses, shoes). Heck, with my sparkle obsession I may NEED a daughter. Otherwise I may have little boys with sparkly clothes or shoes or hats. LOL Besides all that, what daddy doesn't need a daughter to dote over and spoil, a reason to answer the door holding a shotgun when it's time she can date? lol Okay, I don't know if Allen would really do that, but I sure can see him doing it. Hehe
Maybe this situation was just needed so when the time comes I won't have any reservations about having a little girl. I don't know...sure has made me think though.

Amazing the Way God Works

So the last few weeks Allen and I have been feeling like we are losing hope of ever getting to enjoy the blessings of parenthood. Just a few months ago we felt so hopeful...like it just might be our turn next but month after month the same hopeless feelings that we had years ago when we were actively trying to get pregnant keep creeping in bit by bit. I know some know what I mean when I say actively every extra penny and then a whole lot more went to dr's bills and prescriptions. And the energy spent...won't even start.
Anywho my point is I just had some of that hope restored. It was restored just hours after asking Heavenly Father to help us keep a hold of at least a little bit of hope.
Let me tell you a bit. I just got off the phone with me sis-in-law and she has a friend who is looking for a family to place her baby with. So our LDS Family Services profile is actually getting looked at! Yay!!! I'm not saying that I have my hopes up...not at all actually. I was just really needing to know that God had not forgotten us, and he pulled through for me. It is just amazing to me.

My Thoughts On Halloween

I used to love Halloween. It was fun dressing up, especially when you got to do the parade around the school. The decorations used to be cute witches, vampiric bats with smiles, pumpkins with goofy smiles and cute ghosts (kind of like Casper). Now it seems Halloween has changed it's face to ugly, scary and dark. What happened to the cute Halloween?
I go into WalMart and look for cute decor and it's all blood-splattered or oozing, grotesque faces things that look like something that climbed back up from the pits of "heck". Is it just me? Or has Halloween changed it's costume from cute and fun for kids to scary, dark and evil? A reason for parties and drinking and other things?
I thought it was just me that had noticed this transformation, until someone told me they went to three different stores looking for cute Halloween decor and finally gave up. It's interesting to me. I've never been much of a Halloween fan, but it seems the non-fan has turned completely against it.
I guess it could also have something to do with the fact that I have no kids. It seems people say kids change everything. Maybe if I had kids it would change this attitude...who knows.