To Do...Or Not To Do...Hmmm

I haven't been posting very regularly but thought y'all would want to know that Allen and I are considering doing foster care once again. It wasn't too bad last time and we loved the kids, although they were a handful. Would've been nice had we known that they were both level 2 instead of level 1 like we were told! I guess that's why it didn't work out so well is because...I know you are think because it was harder than expected, but no. It didn't work out so well because it was dang near impossible to have anyone communicate with us.

Not only were we given wrong info, we actually felt neglected. Sounds funny but it's true. We would call our Resource Family Consultant (RFC) to ask questions and such, at one point it took 3 weeks for a response, and at that point she even told us she had gotten all of our messages but just hadn't got back with us. So we ended up talking with the kids caseworker to get answers, which isn't at all the way it's supposed to be. Then at the team mtgs they would ask how the kids were doing and if there were any concerns or anything we needed to talk about. Funny thing is every concern we brought up got brushed aside and forgotten. Talk about frustrating!

That's in the past though and I would know better how to handle things now, how to go about getting questions answered by the correct source. Not only that I think I would either request older kids (mid-teens) or younger kids (pre-school or younger). I don't maybe it wouldn't make a difference.

We aren't even for sure if this is what we are going to do...just considering it at this point. It would definitely be another adventure. If we do it I really hope it would be longer term like 6 mos or better. Even though it would be that much harder to let them go (bawled my eyes out after just 3 mos), I think it would be better.

Well, when we decide for sure I'll letchy'all know.

I'm Baaaaack

Well, well, well...
Miss me? Hehehe!
I can't believe it's been so long since I have posted! Where did the time go? Summer is over and the garden is tilled under and dangit...it...is...FREEZING!!!
Just Wednesday we finally found a good home for Mak. He's actually going to be used for hunting! Really happy we were able to find such a good match.
Also on Wed we had the big old Maple tree out front cut down. *sob* It was so dead. More than half of it had no leaves. I already miss the big old thing. Oh well, we're going to plant a weeping willow out there. I know they are messy but so are the globe willows we already planted.
Still NOT knocked up! Wondering if I should go in for a Hystersalpingogram to just make sure that tubes are clear...Can't convince myself to do that just yet because I'm 90% sure I was prego for a fleating moment a couple months ago. I was too chicken to take a test to confirm, I really wish I woulda...Not quite sure if I was too chicken it would be neg or if the thought of it actually being pos scared me worse. lol But a few days after symptoms went away and I just didn't feel prego anymore I took one and it was neg. Aunt Flo sure came late that cycle...holy cow. I guess that's what they call a chemical pregnancy...It's not a sad thing for me though because at least now I'm pretty sure it's possible.
Oh, one more thing...Allen and I have a new calling that we are both excited about. I would tell you what it is but we just accepted it on Wed night. So this Sunday we will be released from ward news editors and sustained to (insert new calling here). One thing I can tell you is........it's not Nursery!!! If they would've asked I would've declined. That is the one calling that I refuse to do again, at least until I have one (or two) in there of my own. Dreadful calling for someone like myself.

Taking a Break From Trying to Get Knocked Up

Allen and I have talked about it and have come to the decision if I don't get knocked up this month we are going to take 2 months off. That means no charting and that's right we are going to make sure it DOES NOT happen. This is a lame excuse but I don't handle heat as it is. I get hot for too long or get too hot and I get sick like pukey sick, so if I had an additional internal heater (and hopefully two) I don't think I would be able to handle it. If I get knocked up in the next two months it would be due in July or Aug...no thank you.
And besides 4 or 5 months of the emotion thing is enough...for both of us. It's time to just have fun get back to just enjoying one another, and a couple months of concentrating on getting healthier and exercising isn't a bad idea either.
I'm not saying I'm going to stop taking DCI or the Maca...heavens NO. DCI makes me feel too good and it maybe that Maca takes 3-6 months to really help enough for me to notice a difference...who knows. So the regime of pills will continue there will just be contraceptives of the rubber variety used, or maybe abstinence.
Thinking about it it may need to be a 4 month break...hmmm.

BTW: We decided Mak will be finding a new home. Tank needs too expensive food for us to feel like we can give him to someone else. We wouldn't have the confidence of anyone giving him the food he needs to keep him from puking. So sad...

Someone Choose For Me!!!

How do you choose between these two?

They are both my baby-dogs!

Or one more option...

Don't know what it is about Skunk.

Neither one of us is really willing to let him go.

I think it's because his personality is so rebelious and stubborn...just like us.

Think I'm Done With Court Now

Yesterday was my Pre-Trial...talk about make me nervous!!! Not many things really get to me as far as nerves. But both times I have went to court (here comes a bit of TMI) I have ended up with diarrhea. Lol. I've been fine at home in the morning but then we get to the courthouse and you know the bubbly painful stuff that goes with it, well that starts. Oh, my! As far as I know or can recollect...this is the ONLY thing that has ever effected me like this.

Anywho, I finally got to talk to the Prosecutor and we worked out a deal that they would drop 3 of the 4 charges for too many dogs (apparently a zoning ordinance not a nuisance ordinance) and 2 counts of failure to license dogs. Still pretty pissed about having to pay because I really did check into it, thought I had bases covered. Oh well, could have been a LOT worse. For every count of too many dogs they coulda threw the book at me and fined me $750 each.

Since they reduced it to one count I was pretty happy with that and the judge even suspended $550 of that so I only have to pay $200 for that. The failure to license was $75 each. So the total comes to $350 and I have to pay it within the next 120 days. But within 30 days I have to find a home for one more dog then call the prosecutor and let him know I am in compliance, then an officer will come out and make sure I'm not lying.

It would be so much easier if people would just take responsibility for their animals. Then there wouldn't be a problem with me having a pack of dogs instead of a passle of kids. I guess I should've taken responsibility myself and looked into all the laws before I even got one dog.

IDK.

Frustration.

Just a Brief Update

Seems Clomid still doesn't work for me. I tried it for 2 cycles and nothin'. So last cycle I took no Clomid...still messed up. But at least I have a cycle to speak of. Lol. Not too worried though, just yesterday I read that it takes at least a month to get Clomid out of your system. May be why things were still messed up.
This cycle though I have added a new thing, Maca root. I've known about it for a while but wasn't convinced to try it. I read up on it as much as I could find and it sounds pretty promising, especially if I take it with DCI. It's supposed to help with almost every female fertility issue. Guess we'll see.
There has been a study done on men with it and has been proven to improve volume, morphology, motility and...I don't remember the other thing right now. But basically it has been proven to help with men's fertility. So, yes, Allen is taking it too. It's even used to help with...well, let's just say it's a natural Viagra.
The part that excites me about it is it helps the endocrine system work better, rather than putting hormones into your body. It's just a super-duper fertility food!
It's amazing to me how much we pay for convenience! I went to Good Earth to get some Maca, $19.95 for a bottle of 90 or 100 caps. Then we found a 1 pound bag of it (not capsulated) for the same price! Holy Smokes!!! I was so glad I had a capsule machine and caps at home. So I have made 4 times as much as the bottle (I use bigger capsules too) and the bag isn't but a 1/4 the way used! So glad Al talked me into making my own capsules years ago!

Cry Baby

Today has been a bad day. I don't know why. It may have something to do with the weather...where did all the rain come from and 50 degree weather???? Brrr. Can't wait for winter!
Today I feel hopeless about the whole getting pregnant thing. Maybe it's not in the cards...
Seriously even if I don't get pregnant I am going to keep taking DCI for the rest of my life!!! Love that stuff!!!
Allen and I were in WalMart today standing in line when I noticed a girl and I'm assuming it was her boyfriend looking for a candy bar by the check out. They couldn't have been any older than 16 or 17 and in her hand was a pregnancy test.
This is when I figured out today I had been feeling hopeless this whole day. I had to hold the freaking tears back! WTH???
So that is my O Whoa Is Me story for today. What a freak!

Random Thoughts

Sorry I've been MIA. I've been spending a lot of time talking with my "Cysters" online. Not that I don't get support from the people following our blog but it's just different getting it from people who are in the same boat, paddling to fight the same current, and still feel like they are getting washed downstream.
Sorry if the video clips annoy you but it seems my blog has turned into a PCOS blog. Which is funny because it all started out as a way for birthmothers to get to know us better. I guess if we get picked by a birthmother any time soon she might understand a bit of the stuff infertility causes. Maybe she'll think, "Oh, those poor people! They need a baby to start their family. I think MY baby would be very happy there. Yep! They can adopt my baby!!!"
I LOVE where I am at in life right now. Strange to say since my dream still hasn't been realized. Really, if I look at what I have learned in just the past 6 or 7 months...it boggles my mind. Before I thought it might seriously be hopeless. But now...now, I have found my magic pill and I have the ability to reach out to hundreds if not thousands of women and share. Not only just about DCI but the disease that afflicts 10% of women, some of whom I know and care about. I can be an aid to someone and maybe even be the one to give them the last piece of the infertility puzzle that they need. How awesome it is to know that the research I have done could very possibly make it possible for hundreds of women to have their dream come true!
The past 10 years have been hard with all the ups and downs. Now as I look back...it will be completely worth it if I can help others win their battle.
That's really funny! When I first started typing I was talking about getting washed downstream...How did I get to the I LOVE where I'm at? LOL! Did you know mood swings are a symptom PCOS? Hehehe, along with being a symptom of everything else!
I'm not prego yet and I think it's because I haven't influenced enough people yet or shared my knowledge with the right people. Maybe that's why I have spent so much time on SoulCysters...Hmmm. Yep, think so. Guess I better get my fingers talking to some more Cysters.

Just have to add this! I went on to SoulCysters (where I'm known as joobilee) right after posting this and one of the Cysters had this to say:

joobilee- I really hope this too is my magic pill. I wanted to just thank you for your passion for spreading the word about this very promising supplement. Please keep it up for the sake of all those that are interested in other options that may have not been prescribed by their RE. I am not sure how my RE will be when I tell her next month on my first followup appointment. She was against most commerical natural herb mixes, as in her words many of the supplements are unregulated and QA/QC maybe questionable. I definitely don't feel this is the case with DCI as there are no fillers or other additives.

I am exstatic!!! Maybe I'm already making a difference!!! Yay!!!

In Need of Support...

Sorry no updates for so long. I've been stuck in a slump, pretty deep one, me thinks. Still not out but gettin' there. You know one of those slumps that it seems everything that can go wrong will, is or did.
The whole court thing about the dogs is killing me! Not only having to choose which ones to go but the actual court thing, and I get to go back at the end of this month...yay. I've never had to deal with prosecuting attorneys or judges or any of the stuff that goes with it. It's so confusing and stressful! I feel like my gut is eating itself and my head is going to explode!
Didn't realize it until I was standing in front of the judge that infact I have eight, yes eight, Class B Misdemeanor charges against me. Technically they can (each) land you in jail...and I have eight of them. Four counts of too many dogs, and four counts of failure to license. I don't think I would be so stressed if I could get the prosecuting attorney to return my freakin' phone calls! Grrr! It's frustration to the point of tears. You all know what I am talking about, been there done that, right?
A little of the stress would be relieved also if Sam would've been able to keep Rio and Tank. But now we have four dogs again and trying to decide what to do with them.

• Skunk I feel we need to keep because he has a bit of a medical problem that needs to be addressed. I can't give him to someone and just trust it'll get taken care of.
• MAK has a food allergy (recently figured out) and he needs to eat mostly vegetarian food (pretty expensive dog food). Not only that I would really like to have a big dog for a watch dog when Allen is working nights.
• Tank has a serious food allergy and also needs to eat vegetarian. If he eats anything but that he pukes everywhere! Not many people can deal with a puppy, who chews and eats everything, that pukes everytime he eats something other than his vegetarian dog food.
• Which brings me to Rio whom has had a tough life and was beat before we got him (evident by the way he acted when we got him). And even though we have had him since Nov (I think) we are just barely gaining his complete trust. I can't let him go to a stranger that I have to worry about him getting beat again, or mistreated. Besides that he's my little buddy. Anytime I can't see him and I ask Allen, "Do you know where Rio is?" The answer is almost always, "Right behind you." Oh, my little shadow...

What do I do? How do you choose? Then how do you decide if you are sending them to a safe place? I don't know...I just feel so sad...

My Beautiful Roses

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this rosebush!!! We bought it back the end of Feb, I think, and planted it. I really thought it had no chance. But it was only a few bucks so Allen said, "What the heck. Might as well give it a bit of a chance." So we brought it home and threw it in the ground. We knew it had more of a chance there than in the plastic bag it was in. It really struggled for a while. Thought we were gonna lose it.

Then the spring was really wet and mild and it pulled through beautifully. This is the coolest part though, when it first blooms it's almost white in the middle (see 1st pic). Then as the sun is on it more the petals darken until it's a dark magenta (see 3rd pic).

Kind of magical and so pretty too!!