Think I'm Done With Court Now

Yesterday was my Pre-Trial...talk about make me nervous!!! Not many things really get to me as far as nerves. But both times I have went to court (here comes a bit of TMI) I have ended up with diarrhea. Lol. I've been fine at home in the morning but then we get to the courthouse and you know the bubbly painful stuff that goes with it, well that starts. Oh, my! As far as I know or can recollect...this is the ONLY thing that has ever effected me like this.

Anywho, I finally got to talk to the Prosecutor and we worked out a deal that they would drop 3 of the 4 charges for too many dogs (apparently a zoning ordinance not a nuisance ordinance) and 2 counts of failure to license dogs. Still pretty pissed about having to pay because I really did check into it, thought I had bases covered. Oh well, could have been a LOT worse. For every count of too many dogs they coulda threw the book at me and fined me $750 each.

Since they reduced it to one count I was pretty happy with that and the judge even suspended $550 of that so I only have to pay $200 for that. The failure to license was $75 each. So the total comes to $350 and I have to pay it within the next 120 days. But within 30 days I have to find a home for one more dog then call the prosecutor and let him know I am in compliance, then an officer will come out and make sure I'm not lying.

It would be so much easier if people would just take responsibility for their animals. Then there wouldn't be a problem with me having a pack of dogs instead of a passle of kids. I guess I should've taken responsibility myself and looked into all the laws before I even got one dog.

IDK.

Frustration.

Just a Brief Update

Seems Clomid still doesn't work for me. I tried it for 2 cycles and nothin'. So last cycle I took no Clomid...still messed up. But at least I have a cycle to speak of. Lol. Not too worried though, just yesterday I read that it takes at least a month to get Clomid out of your system. May be why things were still messed up.
This cycle though I have added a new thing, Maca root. I've known about it for a while but wasn't convinced to try it. I read up on it as much as I could find and it sounds pretty promising, especially if I take it with DCI. It's supposed to help with almost every female fertility issue. Guess we'll see.
There has been a study done on men with it and has been proven to improve volume, morphology, motility and...I don't remember the other thing right now. But basically it has been proven to help with men's fertility. So, yes, Allen is taking it too. It's even used to help with...well, let's just say it's a natural Viagra.
The part that excites me about it is it helps the endocrine system work better, rather than putting hormones into your body. It's just a super-duper fertility food!
It's amazing to me how much we pay for convenience! I went to Good Earth to get some Maca, $19.95 for a bottle of 90 or 100 caps. Then we found a 1 pound bag of it (not capsulated) for the same price! Holy Smokes!!! I was so glad I had a capsule machine and caps at home. So I have made 4 times as much as the bottle (I use bigger capsules too) and the bag isn't but a 1/4 the way used! So glad Al talked me into making my own capsules years ago!

Cry Baby

Today has been a bad day. I don't know why. It may have something to do with the weather...where did all the rain come from and 50 degree weather???? Brrr. Can't wait for winter!
Today I feel hopeless about the whole getting pregnant thing. Maybe it's not in the cards...
Seriously even if I don't get pregnant I am going to keep taking DCI for the rest of my life!!! Love that stuff!!!
Allen and I were in WalMart today standing in line when I noticed a girl and I'm assuming it was her boyfriend looking for a candy bar by the check out. They couldn't have been any older than 16 or 17 and in her hand was a pregnancy test.
This is when I figured out today I had been feeling hopeless this whole day. I had to hold the freaking tears back! WTH???
So that is my O Whoa Is Me story for today. What a freak!

Random Thoughts

Sorry I've been MIA. I've been spending a lot of time talking with my "Cysters" online. Not that I don't get support from the people following our blog but it's just different getting it from people who are in the same boat, paddling to fight the same current, and still feel like they are getting washed downstream.
Sorry if the video clips annoy you but it seems my blog has turned into a PCOS blog. Which is funny because it all started out as a way for birthmothers to get to know us better. I guess if we get picked by a birthmother any time soon she might understand a bit of the stuff infertility causes. Maybe she'll think, "Oh, those poor people! They need a baby to start their family. I think MY baby would be very happy there. Yep! They can adopt my baby!!!"
I LOVE where I am at in life right now. Strange to say since my dream still hasn't been realized. Really, if I look at what I have learned in just the past 6 or 7 months...it boggles my mind. Before I thought it might seriously be hopeless. But now...now, I have found my magic pill and I have the ability to reach out to hundreds if not thousands of women and share. Not only just about DCI but the disease that afflicts 10% of women, some of whom I know and care about. I can be an aid to someone and maybe even be the one to give them the last piece of the infertility puzzle that they need. How awesome it is to know that the research I have done could very possibly make it possible for hundreds of women to have their dream come true!
The past 10 years have been hard with all the ups and downs. Now as I look back...it will be completely worth it if I can help others win their battle.
That's really funny! When I first started typing I was talking about getting washed downstream...How did I get to the I LOVE where I'm at? LOL! Did you know mood swings are a symptom PCOS? Hehehe, along with being a symptom of everything else!
I'm not prego yet and I think it's because I haven't influenced enough people yet or shared my knowledge with the right people. Maybe that's why I have spent so much time on SoulCysters...Hmmm. Yep, think so. Guess I better get my fingers talking to some more Cysters.

Just have to add this! I went on to SoulCysters (where I'm known as joobilee) right after posting this and one of the Cysters had this to say:

joobilee- I really hope this too is my magic pill. I wanted to just thank you for your passion for spreading the word about this very promising supplement. Please keep it up for the sake of all those that are interested in other options that may have not been prescribed by their RE. I am not sure how my RE will be when I tell her next month on my first followup appointment. She was against most commerical natural herb mixes, as in her words many of the supplements are unregulated and QA/QC maybe questionable. I definitely don't feel this is the case with DCI as there are no fillers or other additives.

I am exstatic!!! Maybe I'm already making a difference!!! Yay!!!

In Need of Support...

Sorry no updates for so long. I've been stuck in a slump, pretty deep one, me thinks. Still not out but gettin' there. You know one of those slumps that it seems everything that can go wrong will, is or did.
The whole court thing about the dogs is killing me! Not only having to choose which ones to go but the actual court thing, and I get to go back at the end of this month...yay. I've never had to deal with prosecuting attorneys or judges or any of the stuff that goes with it. It's so confusing and stressful! I feel like my gut is eating itself and my head is going to explode!
Didn't realize it until I was standing in front of the judge that infact I have eight, yes eight, Class B Misdemeanor charges against me. Technically they can (each) land you in jail...and I have eight of them. Four counts of too many dogs, and four counts of failure to license. I don't think I would be so stressed if I could get the prosecuting attorney to return my freakin' phone calls! Grrr! It's frustration to the point of tears. You all know what I am talking about, been there done that, right?
A little of the stress would be relieved also if Sam would've been able to keep Rio and Tank. But now we have four dogs again and trying to decide what to do with them.

• Skunk I feel we need to keep because he has a bit of a medical problem that needs to be addressed. I can't give him to someone and just trust it'll get taken care of.
• MAK has a food allergy (recently figured out) and he needs to eat mostly vegetarian food (pretty expensive dog food). Not only that I would really like to have a big dog for a watch dog when Allen is working nights.
• Tank has a serious food allergy and also needs to eat vegetarian. If he eats anything but that he pukes everywhere! Not many people can deal with a puppy, who chews and eats everything, that pukes everytime he eats something other than his vegetarian dog food.
• Which brings me to Rio whom has had a tough life and was beat before we got him (evident by the way he acted when we got him). And even though we have had him since Nov (I think) we are just barely gaining his complete trust. I can't let him go to a stranger that I have to worry about him getting beat again, or mistreated. Besides that he's my little buddy. Anytime I can't see him and I ask Allen, "Do you know where Rio is?" The answer is almost always, "Right behind you." Oh, my little shadow...

What do I do? How do you choose? Then how do you decide if you are sending them to a safe place? I don't know...I just feel so sad...

My Beautiful Roses

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this rosebush!!! We bought it back the end of Feb, I think, and planted it. I really thought it had no chance. But it was only a few bucks so Allen said, "What the heck. Might as well give it a bit of a chance." So we brought it home and threw it in the ground. We knew it had more of a chance there than in the plastic bag it was in. It really struggled for a while. Thought we were gonna lose it.

Then the spring was really wet and mild and it pulled through beautifully. This is the coolest part though, when it first blooms it's almost white in the middle (see 1st pic). Then as the sun is on it more the petals darken until it's a dark magenta (see 3rd pic).

Kind of magical and so pretty too!!

4 Of Our Furbabies Have To Go :(

I'm so angry at our city!!! Friday afternoon there was a knock on the door. An older guy was standing there. I assumed he was going to ask the usual questions about the shop next door that I have nothing to do with.
So I opened the door and he said, "How are you?"
Me: "Good. How are you?"
Him: "Well, I'm really sorry, but I have to give you a citation for too many dogs."
Me: "Okay..."
Him: "I'm real sorry but the city is really strict on this one."
So I invited him in to where it was cooler and quieter.
I told him that before we got that many we had my brother (who was a cop for the city) look into it and find out what the laws are as far as the number of dogs you can have. He found nothing limiting the number you can have. He insisted it IS a law and the city is very strict.
When he went out to write up the citation I woke Allen up and told him what was going on. He said that's a load of crap because not only did Sam look up the animal laws his Lt did too!
Well, the guy came back in and Allen talked to him about it. Come to find out, it's not in the animal laws it's under the nuisance ordinances!!! Funny thing is he didn't say someone complained because they were being a nuisance. He said he found out because he pulled off the road to talk on the phone and they all came to the fence.
I know they aren't a nuisance because we keep their poop cleaned up so it isn't smelly or anything, and they only bark occasionally because unless there is a good reason to bark we muzzle them. Not only that, the woman across the street whom my mom cleans house for says she never hears them barking!!! She has told my mom that on many occasion because it surprises her because there are so many of them. Grrr!!! So angry!!! and sad:(
Luckily Sam has always had a bond with Rio and they wanted a more sturdy dog for the kids so he took my two favorites. So sad to see them go. But we have already been out to their house twice since Sunday when they picked them up and I think they are going to be just fine. I miss them sooo much though!
I think my in-laws will take Zeus for a time anyway, they want a big dog to sit in the store with my ma-in-law. Until after the court date anyway. Then we will see what the judge says. I'm hoping if I can prove to him that they aren't a nuisance I will be able to keep them. Until then though, they will have new homes to be adjusting to. Hopefully the last one we need to find a new home for (which ever one it may be) will be close and I will get to at least check on him for the first while.
Then there is just one more to find a home for. We don't know if we should find one for Dozer or Mak...or maybe even Skunk. I don't know...how do you choose? They are all my little furbabies. It's so strange to have just the two already gone.
Not only that we picked up a little kitten a while ago. He was supposed to be an outdoor kitty. Somehow it didn't happen. But neither one of us wants another indoor cat so we are looking for a new home for him. Hopefully that happens soon because he is so adorable and plays so well with the dogs!!! So stinkin' cute!!!

Albino Zucchini?

What the...? When we first noticed our little albino we thought as it got bigger it would darken. Nope!!! We have an albino zucchini growing in our garden, how freakin' cool is that? The entire plant doesn't grow'em albino. Just this one. How strange. Anyone ever hear of a albino zucchini before?

Baby Names

I want twins and always have, twin boys to be exact. When I'm finally able to get preggers I feel I will be having boys. The first I thought of this really was about 10 yrs ago, shortly after we got married. We had decided there was no time like the present to start trying for a baby. Although we both knew it was going to be a struggle. So in my hopeful thinking I decided that if we were going to have a baby it was going to need a name. I ended up looking through year books to get ideas. In Allen's Snow College yr bk I found the name I was looking for, Gunner. I wanted the baby, if a boy, to be named after his daddy so I decided on Allen Gunner and he will go by Gunner. I didn't tell Allen about it, I don't think, until we had been trying for a few years with no luck. He really liked the name so lucky for us that was decided.
With the want of twins we needed a second name. Allen came up with Andreas Michle. Named after both of our dads. I think he did really well. Technically not after his dad because he doesn't have a middle name it's just the initial "A", but it stands for Andreas. My dad has always hated the way his name is spelled because people think it's Michelle. So if we need the second name...would it still be named after my dad if we change the spelling to a more traditional spelling? Hmmm.
So what do you think of the names Allen Gunner Jensen and Andreas Michle Jensen?

Where's the Path of Our Journey Going to Take Us?

Since I'm pretty sure that we are going to be able to create a family (recent development) I've of lately wondered why we needed to get approved through LDS Family Services for adoption... When we started the process we both felt pretty strongly that's what we needed to do to create our family. If we wouldn't have felt strongly about it, I really don't think we would've spent the $1000 just to get the approval to start on getting approved. Frustration with the process, miscommunication with the agency, and not wanting to submit to the diagnosis of infertile slowed us down and eventually stopped us.
So for a time our profile sat idle, not quite approved. Then kind of out of the blue we were still laying in bed talking one morning about how we should just finish our profile. The phone rang and I just knew it was our caseworker. I said to Allen, "That's Sarah now. Guess that's a sign we really need to get it completed." It wouldn't be weird if we had been talking to her on a regular basis, but we hadn't talked to her for a couple months. Oh yeah, it was her. So after talking to her we both felt very inspired to finish and we did. But this all begs the question, "Are we supposed to adopt, too?"
I'll be honest, I haven't given it much thought, I've just assumed that is what the future holds. But...Will I still want to after I am able to have even just one of my own? I know some people get offended by others who have biological children of their own and yet want to adopt. It doesn't bother me I just assume they are doing what feels right for them, but would it be fair and would I feel right about taking a baby that could go to a different loving home where the parents aren't able to have kids? Or maybe there was something along the journey of getting approved that actually changed our lives and that is not the path for us at all. I don't know and once again I have no crystal ball to gaze into to get my answers, heaven knows I wish I did.
It's just crazy to think about all the pieces of the puzzle that seem to fit nowhere, then one day you realize...not only do they fit but they are key parts to making the puzzle complete. It brings everything together and connects it in a way that no other piece can. A different picture on the piece would make it not work or jive with the picture it would look funny and make it uncomfortable to look at, and a little bit different shape would make it not fit at all. The puzzle I am talking about is perfect...there are no pieces that don't belong. I just wonder where this little piece fits in my life?
This thought has brought me back to a book I've read, many times actually. It's called "The Dreamgiver" It's actually a parable but it is such a good book. Makes me cry like a baby every time. And it's such a quick read! Only takes about an hour to read it. When I have kids it will be a bedtime story that they will hear over and over and over.
If you have made it clear through this post...very sorry so long. So many things swimming through my head and Allen's sleeping (working graveyards right now) so I have to let it out somewhere. :)