04 July 2009

Where's the Path of Our Journey Going to Take Us?

Since I'm pretty sure that we are going to be able to create a family (recent development) I've of lately wondered why we needed to get approved through LDS Family Services for adoption... When we started the process we both felt pretty strongly that's what we needed to do to create our family. If we wouldn't have felt strongly about it, I really don't think we would've spent the $1000 just to get the approval to start on getting approved. Frustration with the process, miscommunication with the agency, and not wanting to submit to the diagnosis of infertile slowed us down and eventually stopped us.
So for a time our profile sat idle, not quite approved. Then kind of out of the blue we were still laying in bed talking one morning about how we should just finish our profile. The phone rang and I just knew it was our caseworker. I said to Allen, "That's Sarah now. Guess that's a sign we really need to get it completed." It wouldn't be weird if we had been talking to her on a regular basis, but we hadn't talked to her for a couple months. Oh yeah, it was her. So after talking to her we both felt very inspired to finish and we did. But this all begs the question, "Are we supposed to adopt, too?"
I'll be honest, I haven't given it much thought, I've just assumed that is what the future holds. But...Will I still want to after I am able to have even just one of my own? I know some people get offended by others who have biological children of their own and yet want to adopt. It doesn't bother me I just assume they are doing what feels right for them, but would it be fair and would I feel right about taking a baby that could go to a different loving home where the parents aren't able to have kids? Or maybe there was something along the journey of getting approved that actually changed our lives and that is not the path for us at all. I don't know and once again I have no crystal ball to gaze into to get my answers, heaven knows I wish I did.
It's just crazy to think about all the pieces of the puzzle that seem to fit nowhere, then one day you realize...not only do they fit but they are key parts to making the puzzle complete. It brings everything together and connects it in a way that no other piece can. A different picture on the piece would make it not work or jive with the picture it would look funny and make it uncomfortable to look at, and a little bit different shape would make it not fit at all. The puzzle I am talking about is perfect...there are no pieces that don't belong. I just wonder where this little piece fits in my life?
This thought has brought me back to a book I've read, many times actually. It's called "The Dreamgiver" It's actually a parable but it is such a good book. Makes me cry like a baby every time. And it's such a quick read! Only takes about an hour to read it. When I have kids it will be a bedtime story that they will hear over and over and over.
If you have made it clear through this post...very sorry so long. So many things swimming through my head and Allen's sleeping (working graveyards right now) so I have to let it out somewhere. :)

1 comment:

Carrie said...

let it on out sista! i love your thought about pieces of the puzzle of life. it will be AMazING (i am convinced) when one day we can look back on our lives and it will make sence....things that even till we die may seem like "whaaa the????" you know?

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