January 4, 2012 I had an appointment to check on Tori and Gunner. Fluid was disappearing from around Tori and it seemed they had quit growing. :(
That morning Dr Young looked at the pics from the u/s and said, "How would you feel about having today be your babies' birthday?" I didn't think it was that great of an idea but it seemed the time had come they would be better off in the cruel world than inside their mommy's tummy. Talk about making mom feel like a failure. They weren't even born yet and I felt inadequate and like a failure. I was 35 wks pregnant on that day. Dr Young called the hospital and scheduled a c-section, told me not to eat or drink anything (including water) and to be at the hospital at 3:30 that afternoon.
When I left I called Allen at work and told him we were having our babies whether or not we were ready. I came home packed a hospital bag, took a shower and prayed. Allen came home at lunch and we were both a huge bundle of nerves.
On our way to the hospital we stopped at my parents and asked my dad to help with a priesthood blessing. Dad was sick. When we walked in the door I looked at him and my exact thought was he looks like death. No color and his eyes were pretty vacant. He gladly helped though. Then Allen told him we could wait and have someone help give him a priesthood blessing. Dad actually took him up on the offer.
We left for the hospital and they shortly left for a dr appt for dad. While waiting for my turn in the OR I was talking to mom who was in the ER with dad. The dr sent him straight to the hospital. His temp was over 106 and he didn't know if he was coming or going. He ended up in the hospital for quite some time. I like to believe my little munchkins talked him into sticking around for at least another few years on their way to their birth.
Tori was born first. Her cry was weak and squeaky. The nurse told me, "That cry means she's having a hard time breathing." I got to see her from across the room for a split second.
When Gunner was born there was no weak or squeaky about it. I got to see him to close to focus on for a total of about 2 seconds.
I sent Allen with them while they got cleaned up and taken care of. Meanwhile I got stitched up and taken back to recovery.
I was in the recovery room for a while just when they came to take me to my room Allen showed up. Most of the night I was alone because he was with our little ones. I wish I could've been with them but I wasn't allowed to go anywhere until the anesthesia wore off. Six hours later my backside and the bottoms of my feet were still numb but I had to get out of my bed so they could change the sheets because I threw up my slurpee Dr Young had brought me. LOL
Allen came in right after I paged the nurse to tell her what happened so he grabbed a wheel chair and took me down to the NICU so I could finally see the precious cargo I had been carrying for 7 1/2 months.
Tori had oxygen on in addition to all the wires to monitor her vitals. Gunner was just wired. I honestly don't remember the first thoughts I had but I remember the feeling of my heart sinking when I saw them because I knew they wouldn't be coming home with us and I was so disappointed in myself for not being able to carry them for just a couple more weeks. I think the drugs were still doing their thing.
Tori was off of oxygen and forced air by the time I checked out of the hospital. She was only on oxygen for six or eight hours then bumped down to forced air which she ripped off and proved to the nurse she didn't need it because there were no alarms going off when Allen and I came to see them and it had been removed by our little Tori.
The next couple days are all a blur because I didn't sleep more than a six hours total the two nights I stayed in the hospital. And with all the emotions...it was pretty traumatic really.
The night I came home (with no babies) it was late when we got home and there was a huge mess of construction type stuff in my living room and my house was freezing because our furnace was having problems. I had a break down and pretty much passed out on our bed. Even with hammering and air tools working on the nursery Allen said I didn't budge.
A week or so later while over at the hospital one of the nursed told me our babies were "eaters and growers". I asked what she meant. Her reply was they are doing really well so really we are just watching them eat and grow. This ticked me off. My thought was, "Well, they should be home for their Mom and Dad to watch them eat and grow. Not here."
Another week later we had found a pediatrician. One Dr Young had recommended. And we asked him how we go about having him take care of Tori and Gunner instead of Dr Gertsman. He pretty much took care of it. Although the day that their care was being transferred Dr Gertman came and found me and says to me, "I was told we have never met." I did not like this dude. I had never met him, I had seen him and wondered who he was but never had I even seen him around my babies. Just the NPs.
A few days later Dr Wise got them out of the clink for us and we brought them home on their 3 wk birthday, which also happened to be my nephew's birthday, January 26th. That's when the fun started!
Here is a pic of them when they were deemed healthy enough to cobed. I don't remember when exactly that was but it seems like it was a week or week and a half. The round band-aid looking thing on Tori's cheek was from the oxygen tube.
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